#7 inspired post

quote / pic by dapper_grandiose_fashion (instagram)

 ▪ just like one says "knives, forks, scissors & fire aren't meant for little kids to play with" - a  lady should say "trust, loyalty, faith & emotions aren't meant for little boys to play with". a man isn't much more than a "grown up" boy - so he will play and mess around with the given trust & heart from a lady which are very delicate and easy to break, therefor you shouldn't give those things away easily - he won't respect and appreciate it in a proper way. what sets apart a gentleman from a man is that he indeed knows the value of your given trust & feelings that come along with his emotional interaction with you - he won't crave and run after the attention from other ladies by giving them his more than obvious attention. a gentleman knows that by doing so he risks to lose one of the biggest and most important things that glue the bond he has with his lady - trust, without that everything else will become more and more fragile. it shakes up a lady's self assurance and her view on you - don't be one more reason for her to doubt that true gentlemen still exist. If a man can't stay focussed on one lady at a time - in fact his lady that gave him her heart - then he should give it back and as he isn't a worthy gentleman any longer, he shouldn't dare to accept given trust & feelings as he doesn't handle them with respect. be a gentleman, take responsibility & show her that you are way more worthy than other men who crave for her - she chosed you to be the worthy heart & trust keeper - don't ruin it by pointless flirting & staring, giving away the attention she deserves, no other lady than her. be worth her trust and she'll give you much more in return - unconditional and faithfull love which is paired with admiration & affection only meant for you. ▪ - Sarah Jessica

edit for gentlemen: you shouldn't find yourself in a situation where you have to think twice if your actions are doubtful, especially when it might cause you to think "she won't notice it anyway" or "i'll simply delete it afterwards"- as soon one of these thoughts pop up in your head, that's a damn huge alert signal for you to doubt yourself!!!! because you know that it's not right!

before you interact with others, especially other women, consider at least one of the following thoughts that should run through your mind first - and i mean seriously first(!) everytime:

"if my lady would read/hear my conversation with that other woman on FB/IG/etc...."

• would i still say/write the same things
• would i still be that overly "generous" aka flirty
• would i still suggest to meet up at some time (omfg i cringe while typing that - fuck that shit HELLOO)
• would i still like her half naked pictures on FB or IG (that makes me go big chunky coconuts, seriously i fucking hate that)
• would i still send all those stupid smiley faces
• would i still need to delete my convo after that
• would i still complement her on looking so bangin hot (or whatever crap men write)
• would i still be able to say about myself that i'm a nice guy (no not because your lying to yourself and defending yourself that it's sooooooo super normal to write in that way with other women - no it's not - basta)  
• would i still show my own convo/txt to my lady (yeh that says it all)
• how would my lady feel when she heard/saw it
• would my lady feel disrespected
• would my lady doubt my faithfulness
• would my lady feel jealous about giving away my attention to other women
• would my lady feel sad about my flirty behavior
• would my lady lose trust and faith in me
• would my lady lose her precious point of view on me
• would my lady feel hurt  
• would my lady be able to be happy with me after that
• how would i feel if she did the same things with other men
• how would i feel when she is txting with other men behind my back
• how would i feel when she likes half naked pics of other men
• how would i look at her if she did those things
• would i trust her any longer
• would i respect her any longer

this is so simple in fact - if a big fat ass YES comes to your mind for at least one of those things i listed - then stop doing it!!! i'm not paranoid, of course we interact on a daily basis with our opposite sex - might it be at work or with the cashier, what so ever! that's not the point and we all know damn well what i'm talking about. don't act stupid and fool yourself! 

if you can count yourself a lucky man because you have someone special at your side - then please, do yourself a favor and think twice - 99% of the interaction with random women who don't have anything to do with your worklife/family etc is pointless and just flirty because you need attention and ego boost. as i said, if you can't handle to focus on one lady at a time, then you don't deserve a true lady who would give her all to you. and the bad thing is you know exactly what you can lose - but mostly you think you won't lose it. 

you are wrong.

and there are a lot of disrespectful things that a lady can experience, but she should never experience disrespect from you by actually showing her that you can do better with other women - and yes, that's the hurtful impression you make with your actions. and don't try to defend such cheap behavior with words like "it's just texting or it's just liking her picture, i wouldn't do anything in real life" - this is the real life!!!!!!!!!!! or were you dreaming that you texted her? fuck no - you were doing it, right here right now!!!! man up for your lady or sit back and let her have a real gentleman who appreciates her true value and knows why he's with her and not with one of the others - because she will make him happier than anyone else ever could. so please pay her respect and don't drag her public & personal self assurance down - it will make her look & feel stupid. whenever i see a man who's in a relationship and acts all flirty with other women it just makes me cringe and feel bad for his girlfriend - and THAT is something very important to us ladies, how others see our relationship and therefor "us" as our relationship represents a big part of ourself and yes it makes us feel embarrassed when everyone around us notices what kind of flirty douche bag we have. a lady wants to be proud of her man & her relationship, don't ruin that.     

if we just reflect for a short moment how our partner would feel about it, or much easier - how WE would feel about our partner's behavior - then we all would benefit from less frustration, disappointment & hurt.

my hair journey: red hair - correcting patchy spots + going brighter

yeh... couldn't help myself

so after i dyed my hair with l'oreal hicolor in h9 red hot 3 weeks ago, i was pretty happy with the result. ok i knew from the beginning that it would take a longer run to get my hair red red red but since my haircolor was kinda uneven and screwd up from the treatment before (went to a salon in bern - ehm ja...) the result with hicolor of course didn't come out even at all -  i had to think about how i get rid of my obvious uneven haircolor at some spots -.- arrgghh

so - i tried to google, as always, but didn't find a good answer - so i just thought "whatever" and got myself a bleaching kit. yes, a bleaching kit... and yes, usually i'd rather cut it all off than going full blonde. nah, i just wanted to lift the darker spots a bit by applying that nasty blonde lifting thing. yes it is damaging (of course how couldn't it? it has something to do with blonde :P haters gonna hate i don't care, so stop crying).

evil bleaching stuff

applied it to the darker spots only

the whole process is simple, i mixed everything together according to the instructions, tested it on a single strand to figure out how much time it needs for a certain lift. after 25 minutes i washed it out and it looked a bit lighter, more matching to the rest of my hair! so i proceeded with the rest of my hair, of course ONLY on the darker spots/areas! if i would've put it on my tips etc it would look uneven again!! so i only applied it to the darker spots and waited for 25 minutes - as i also had to touch up my roots i applied l'oreal hicolor in h9 red hot on my roots and left everything in for another 15 minutes (didn't want super bright roots haha) and washed it all out.

after bleaching, bathroom lightning kinda sucks

the result is more(!) even than before, it's slightly still a bit uneven, but that's ok to be honest - makes it more natural. the following pics show the result AFTER i went over with manic panic/directions.

after / normal indoor lightning, no extra lightning or filter here

before / indoor lightning

before with patchy bangs/sides + super bright lightning

after / with sunny lightning from outside (window)

t o u c h   u p

after letting my hair air dry i mixed 3 parts of directions "poppy red" with half of manic panic's amplified "vampire red" tube and applied it to my entire hair. these sweeties are SEMI-permanent hair dyes, vegan + they are NOT tested on animals!!! how awesom is that?! since they are vegan (vegetable based), they don't contain any aggressive and damaging chemicals, that means you can easily let it sink in your hair for about 2-4h!! yes, you can even let it in over night! the application is super easy and i even had leftovers so i disposed it back in the directions pot - i can use the leftovers for refreshing my color while washing my hair everytime!

color mixture in daylight - vibrant red with a cool undertone

vegan hair dye <3

I'll do the same touch up process once a month, lifting my roots with l'oreal hicolor in h9 red hot and apply my color mixture (directions poppy red and manic panic vampire red) all over afterwards.

 

started to mix, bright red is "poppy red" darker one is "vampire red" I added more afterwards, just so you can see the contrast

#6 inspired post

quote/picture by dapper_grandiose_fashion (instagram)


edit 04/14/2013: "you do you - i do me" and everyone's happy.

ok i don't need to tell you guys that it's obvious that some ladies are attracted by tall, tanned, short, asian, european or what the heck ever men. same applies for men's "game", some ladies are attracted by cocky, fucked up attitudes from jerks, douche bags or our well known "players" cause they are often super flirty, confident and all of that faked up shit -  fuck i'm laughing my ass off, but ok i know i curse too much, so back to our post. 

i honestly don't know if what i'm about to write is based on the fact that i saw "the one" or just because i'm kinda sensible for seeing the inner personality within shortest time.

whatever it is, in general i don't focus on looks or set up attitudes (can smell that a mile ahead) - if i get introduced to somebody or get approached i kinda sense out what this person is about. not like i'm judging i just feel the vibe. 

everyone of us has both an attractive side and a well.. not so attractive side about ourself. but this depends on who looks at them and such lesser attractive sides can make a person very attractive in fact - because they're just a part of them. a man who is aware of his habits/lesser attractive sides is authentic and therefor attractive to me. one might be shy, a bit insecure around you, has quiet a temper, ego or a hard time to focus etc - but this is him, nothing less nothing more - that's a part of his authentic character and if you love him then you also have to embrace these sides of him.

i don't say that you have to tolerate everything, although i hold back a lot lately because i consider the situation/mood etc but mr. big knows that i have temper too and that i'm not afraid to stand my ground. there are times when it just fits to tell somebody what's bothering you because you are able to express it gentle but clear, without leaving a side taste of offense. there is no need to change someone, just asking them to change HOW they do certain things in order to make you feel more comfortable - which, if he loves you, should be important to him.

don't want him in any other way - just like he is because either you take all of it or nothing at all and i want all of his authentic and amazing self because i feel comfortable with handling it.

#5 inspired post

when i first met mr. big i never had a clue what was about to come in my life - the past months were anything but normal, i guess it's something totally irrational what made me do all of those things. i experience so many different things, a lot i experienced for the first time. but it's not all about experiencing things for the first time, it's about how he makes me see them from a different point of view - like there isn't any better way for it, like this is just how it should be. and that feeling is beautiful. this is def not where i planned to go in first place, but it reveals to be just the perfect, right place where i belong to be in the end.

cloud 9, cloud 7, pinky love glasses, falling in love, loves stoned - however one might call it, i don't care. fact is mr. big knocked me off my mental feet, like there is a switch for inspiration and imagination that went from "off" to "ON & hyper hyper on". my mind was never dull though, but it felt like slowly drying out from thirst - thirsty for huge mental stimulation. guess i couldn't define it myself back then, but something was missing in my life. he inspired me in a different way, enabled me to write again - not just about how awesomely handsome he is etc nah, much more!! almost every text is inspired by him and that makes me happy. that makes my mind feel alive and limitless - i feel a huge need to write my thoughts down and if i can't then that upsets me, more and more each day. so as he gives me inspiration, he gives me peace of mind and happiness at the same time.

i believe that one can find inspiration in many things, but if you can find inspiration which is given from the heart of someone so special - well that amazes me.

thank you

#2 ladies only - back off and let him be a man

edit 04/12/2013: yeh my mother teresa complex got me all fooled up. there is just a simple simple simple and undeniable reason why men don't txt - because they lack interest in you. punkt. move on because he didn't care enough about you and that you are waiting on a response - even if it's important to you - that shows enough about his serious interest in you. you are a back up plan he can pull back when he feels like, not when YOU feel like. let him be happy because he is probably a nice guy... just not very nice with you. keep nice moments you both had in mind and move on.

Our gender is usually more into communication - nothing new huh? How often do i hear this common complaint "he doesn't text back that much" or "why does it take hours for him to answer or even days" yada yada yada - yeh and i can count myself for gettin headaches from overthinking this annoying male behavior - trying to figure out why.

And no, this post is not about setting up some stupid, overrated "chasing game" plan - i honestly think it's stupid and somehow pathetic - i know there are some super popular "dating advice" books out there, telling women how to play the game etc and they might help, i don't know because i don't read those - heard a lot but i never bought one of these. i don't say that you shouldn't stick to (hm trying to find the right word) "rules" of proper courting, but don't get lost in those weird "don't reply for 3 days" or "if he calls, don't asnwer the phone" shit. of course everybody is more or less busy, i understand, but don't use these weird rules on purpose. i honestly don't know if men make use of these equally as women do, but however i think that sucks.

today we use a ton of different ways of communication - mostly via sms or text apps like "whatsapp" which indeed has a big downside - we get transparent for everyone else. yeh don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about, we've all been there - checking our crush's last online activity in whatsapp or whatever media you use. it can be amusing to some point but it can also drive you nuts when you see that he's been online at least 10-15 times a day without answering one of your god damn texts.

however i have to admit that women in general and i'm also one of those, text a lot.. like a lot!!! we unintentionally spam our desired man with too much of daily, emotional or whatever ish - of course with the expectation for them to write back. it can make us look needy, desperate or whatever. for me, when i text a lot then i care a lot - a text can fulfill many purposes, setting up dates, chatting about daily stuff etc - for me it's kind of a way to let somebody know that i have him on my mind. and although i am a little hypercommunicative, i learned to back off - to stop initiating contact every god damn day.

why? because i clearly stated my interest a thousand times by contacting first via text or call after a few days of silence. it's true i might be over the top with communication, that's just how i am and how i show some kind of affection but by doing so i take away a man's primary courting instinct: curiosity.
it's like serving him a meal he didn't ask for, can be nice but it can be hella annoying or boring the shit out of him. there's no need to miss or be curious about something when it gets served every day - nor is there a need to put in effort when you get it for free everytime. worst of all he might start to take you & your effort for granted - therefor no need for him to change his behavior.

keep in mind, they are not our boyfriends - so why do we always expect so much from them that goes beyond the "dating zone"? whatever the answer might be - we should stop. maybe he's too busy (ok no one is too busy to not text back within 2 days) or he simply texts other girls (he's free to do so when he's single, although i like to focus on one person at a time - so therefor it would hurt me) or he simply doesn't feel like texting you - whatever it is there's nothing for us to change that.

to be honest it makes me feel bad, it upsets me somehow and most of all it makes me feel unappreciated and disrespected. but on the other hand i try to let go, be patient, understanding and don't interpret too much - so backing off for a few days is my way of showing respect for his private life and need for space. not knowing if he actually acknowledges this as paying respect to him.

however, i try to bring this whole thing to a point

• stop texting too much
• don't write "essays" - that will kill his interest and he lacks time nd interest to read all of it anyway
• if he doesn't reply within hours or even days - back off
• if you called him and he didn't call back - back off
• if he replys then write back, without using stupid "double of his time" rules - but keep it simple
• learn to use texting as a media to set up dates, quick and simple
• learn to let go of the idea to show affection via text - safe that up for "real" time together
• let the effort be equally on both sides
• texting shouldn't be your main communication - calls/meetings are way better!
• let him pursue you, let him miss you
• jesus stop liking every god damn picture on his IG or FB

I think there is a simple thing to say about all the texting ish - let it be equal! If he texts you a lot then you should text back with the same effort, when he calls you make the same effort and call him first the next time, if he doesn't give a shit to write you then you should do the same, if he never picked up a call or called back then just simply don't give a fuck and let him be, if he asked you out for dinner/movies etc then ask him out another time. women need to learn to stop showing too much effort via txting without recieving anything equal back and at the same time to put down wrong expectations like "a man needs to make the first move with everything". 

today's world is superficial enough - go back to basics, text/call to set up a date, put down texting as your main communication and focus on quality time together, wether it be just hanging out a little or go out for a walk by a lake - just put your damn phone aside and live life where it takes place, and that's not in your phone! so as we realize this for ourself, we have the ability to safe up our effort for more meaningful things - showing affection and thoughtfulness in a different way - when we actually meet the people we like.

allow him to fulfill his natural male role of being the pursuer - let him take the lead and when he does then go with it and appreciate his effort. stop chasing it - instead be patient while going after other things in life. you will sense out if the wait will be worth it or not, but overthinking is a waste of your precious mind capacity.

a man who wants you will get back to you - just like the saying "let it go and if it returns, it's yours"
although i love to recieve texts and although i'm very impatient - i learned to adapt. good for me i guess...

#1 ladies only - importance of "filtering"

DISCLAIMER: this post displays my own opinion, I'm open for others though - but if you don't like the crap I'm writing down and you feel like whining around then just get the fuck off my blog. thank you

pic/quote by hplyrikz.tumblr.com

ok first things said, this post reaches out to ladies who are genuinely interested in having a longterm relationship - well the word longterm cringes me though, i'll explain later - and also ladies who get in some kind of dilirium about certain type of men. this interest is more or less present among women, but mostly 8 out of 10 ladies wish for a stable & loving relationship which should even out the way for settling down and raise a family with the love of her life later on. 2 out of 10 are probably confused sluts, repressing their natural feminity and drunk down that shit with overly aggressive/masculine attitudes aKa "i'm so independent and tough - that's the new sexy" (makes me cringe even more) - yeh those "wrecks" will be seen later on: alone, frustrated, out used by countless men, faded - nah u don't wanna be one of those!

important: by saying "settling down, raise a family etc" i mostly mean settling down, because there might be reasons why it's impossible for a couple to raise kids - which might be totally out of their control or they simple don't want kids! so no offence here! but you get my idea about what i'm talkin. that's why i dislike to use the word "longterm" together with relationship in the same sentence - sounds like a contract which will expire after a long time. and yes, i know that nobody can pretend to know what the future brings, but and that's important to me: it labels somehow our attitude and therefor how serious we handle our relationship. I'll write a post about the difference between just being together and settling down.

there is a huge difference between settling down with a man and living in a relationship with a man - don't forget every relationship needs to develop itself to a "settling down" over time but the intensions and motives need to be clear from the beginning - otherwise you will experience the same thing over and over: wasting time on the wrong guys, wondering about their so called "committment problems" or "i'm unsure about what i want in life" although they keep you around, talkin honeytalk and shit like that. bullshit, that doesn't exist! the heartbreaking truth is very simple surprisingly. you're not "wife/settling down" material in his eyes - basta. he leaves his options open and doesn't want to repress his desire to fulfill his masculine need of getting what he wants: attention, ego boosts and physical satisfaction from other women and most of all different women without getting into trouble explaining himself to his gf everytime.

however this post won't go too much into detail about men's committments - it's about filtering out the ones who will string you along for getting easy uncomplicated sex and just to have someone to admire him, boosting his little ego, while not having any serious settling down intensions (with you) at all. there's nothing wrong with being single, if there's no one around who you'd see as "settling down" material either - and i can tell you, men do sense that out within shortest time and so should you! don't underestimate a man's ability to sense out wether or not you are "settling down" material from the very beginning - might be connected with intuition or other body chemistry stuff.

but what's the ugly twin of  "settling down"?  i guess i call it "hang out, make out, stopover, move on, plan b or even plan z" material. that's the harsh reality - face it. still i would like to mention that eventhough you "just" might be "hang out/make out" material that doesn't indicate that he doesn't like you as a person or some sort of "friend with benefits who get a long well" - he surely likes you, but that's it. so don't spin a web of hopes around him. he can still be in a relationship with you and still you aren't "settling down" material, meaning he already knows you aren't the one he want's to settle down with and get happily old together. still, men will stick around until they decide to move on or found somebody who's either "right" material or just more attractive, hotter, better than you - or they just lose interest in you.

"but how the heck do i find out about his true intensions?"

well, it sure depends on your ages - this post isn't ment for 14 or 19yr old puppylovers (you need to find/create yourself first before thinking about settling down with a man - still you can use this post to filter out the boys who just want to get in ur panties!) but it's said that us ladies experience our "high phase/blooming phase" from early/mid to late twenties, meaning if you are around 23yrs old you should def filter out men who waste your time and put you on the blindside for the right ones.

but there's no need to curse men - honestly - no need to drag them through dirt when women contribute so much to their "misarble" situation by putting all their "eggs" in one basket just because of his sweet and trusting words/texts! what i try to tell you is to heavily weight his actions - cause a man's actions will tell you exactly where he sees you. the "getting to know eachother"phase is the most important, because you don't have developed serious feelings for him yet which could cloud your mind. pay attention to his behavior around you, these ones will mostly qualify a keeper: 

• does he act somehow shy/ lil nervous when talking to you (shy little cheeky smiles, eventually he even slightly blushes or shows unintentionally that you affect him in a positive way)
• seems to feel comfortable around you yet he is unsure about what to say (because he wants to say the right things genuinely)
• doesn't try to sleep with you on the first dates/first seeings  (there's a difference between him not trying to sleep with you and him trying to sleep with you and you say no - huge difference! first one is a keeper. important: a mature man won't really committ to you before having sex - committment is something serious, so why doing so when you don't know a 100% what your girl "is about" in bed. think about it, sex plays also a big part in a healthy relationship - quality over quantity! but he will wait some time for you to be ready-  read my other post about it #3 inspired post)
• initiates the very first contact, by himself or via a wingman (last one impresses me more because that somehow proves his interest's authencity and somehow respect to not intimidate me - no matter how shy a man is, if he really wants you he will make sure to get in touch somehow)
• doesn't ask you out for a drink (alcohol)
• doesn't ask you for your number in the beginning of the conversation / or just your number and leaves
• tries to take the conversation to a less crowded place, very soon - instead of dancing with you all night
• keeps a respectful distance between both of you while sitting somewhere etc
• if a first kiss might happen then it will be a shy and intimate one, without lust
• he will apologize and makes sure that he doesn't make u feel uncomfortable with his attempt of closeness
• he will respect you without trying over and over again to do something

so this little list indicates a lot for you to sense out the keeper and the pantie droppers - doesn't guarantee a settling down in the end but it's a damn precious help for you! the more a man is truly interested in you and therefor sees you in his future at least (settling down can't be defined a 100% in the beginning, but he might sense it somehow)- the more will he be concerned about how you see him, that's why he might appear a little insecure around you when in fact he can be a very out going guy with others. why? because other girls weren't "settling down" material in his eyes = he doesn't care in the same way about how they see him as how you see him, because his interest for you is serious. 10 out of 10 times i'd chose the slightly insecure guy over the confident one - you can bet that the confident one is more about boosting his ego nd having a "fun time" without any serious intentions - he simply didn't "feel" you, he might behave in the same way when he finally saw "the one".

it's hard to explain, but you have to somehow sense it out on your own - my advice is just to let actions speak louder than words - not only in the beginning of getting to know eachother, same applies for later on! don't let sweet words cloud your mind and hey, another advice - simply make clear that you aren't about "just sexin" - why because you have self respect and a healthy self esteem. however, every man/woman needs individual time to "test" out their desired "settle down" material but both sense it out from the beginning - so sooner or later a man will ask you out for a date, he will clearly label it as a date! if not then you are "plan b" material and you should move on, either way he will hit the road and so should you, soon before your precious heart falls in love!

that's why i tell you - don't waste your time with these ones - dedicate your most "blooming" phase of your life as a lady to the right one, who's actions speak louder than his words! it's always step by step, but filtering out will safe your precious time.

heinz erhardt - die made (german)

Hinter eines Baumes Rinde
wohnt die Made mit dem Kinde.
Sie ist Witwe, denn der Gatte,
den sie hatte, fiel vom Blatte.
Diente so auf diese Weise
einer Ameise als Speise.

Eines Morgens sprach die Made:
"Liebes Kind, ich sehe grade,
drüben gibt es frischen Kohl,
den ich hol'. So leb denn wohl.
Halt! Noch eins, denk, was geschah,
geh nicht aus, denk an Papa!"

Also sprach sie und entwich. —
Made junior jedoch schlich
hinterdrein, und das war schlecht,
denn schon kam ein bunter Specht
und verschlang die kleine fade
Made ohne Gnade. — Schade.

Hinter eines Baumes Rinde
ruft die Made nach dem Kinde.

one of my favorite poems from my childhood - written by heinz erhardt (20.02.1909; † 5.06.1979). 

love to tell it - fluently.

#4 inspired post

▪ don’t we all experience impatience more or less from time to time? as a kid I used to “freak out” 8 weeks before christmas – today it doesn’t seem to be that much different. example? when I order something and wait for the package to arrive, i’ll be checkin the delivery status 5-10x a day! …. yeh weird I know. makes me laugh my ass off while writing that down and realizing how damn impatient i really am. another example, when I missed the postman and had to wait another day to finally get my order I almost freaked out… ok mostly I won’t show on the outside for everyone to see but my mind was freakin out – super pissed. see how hilarious that is? still that’s how I am – impatient and stubbornly after things i long for. you could also call it being persistent, like i was since back in the days. when I started doin horseback riding (i was 5yrs old) and it was about christmas time – you could bet that my biggest wish I wrote down on my wishlist on top was to have my own horse. sweet huh? is it still sweet when I did that every damn year until i was 13? (yeh I believed in santa clause until I was 13) i wasn’t only wishing for it, I even calculated costs etc and attached it to my wishlist. that’s totally weird isn’t it? same as with my father, after he left us when I was 13 and completely changed into something I don’t have words for – from that day… til now… makes 10 years… i’m still waiting for him to bring a little bit of goodwill and warmth back into his heart. i never gave up believing in his honest and good heart, even it cost me half of my own heart till now – it makes me suffer from inside, still I’m waiting. call it stupid, weird or naïve – i don’t care because I can see that there is a tiny bit left, even if there’s something like a huge shadow over that lil light.

What I try to say is that i am really… and i mean really really impatient but at the same time I can bring up a huge amount of persistence – isn’t that totally conflicting?!?! how can you be so impatient but at the same time you are able to bring up YEARS of persistence? i honestly don’t know the answer 100% it’s just a slight guess i have in my head – honestly i never really thought about the why and how until now. my girl bff asked me once how I could be so willing to wait, invest all of my nerves, time and let’s call it strength into something where the outcome isn’t guaranteed at all - why even believe in goodness till the very end? well you might say i do it because it’s my own father or because i was a kid back then or maybe you think i’m just plain stupid.

I put myself, or i should say fate (fuck coincidence i don’t believe in that crap) put me into a certain situation with a certain person – let’s call him mr. big (oh i like that pseudonym – i’m cheesy i know). this “situation”, “thing” or whatever it is, claims every single tiny bit of persistence, patience (which i don’t have) and faith from me, to the point where i find myself debating with my own thoughts & fears. i ain’t talking about days or weeks – nope. i could easily move on right? putting mr. big on the left side together with my fears, hesitations, rejections and feelings and just simply walk on swinging my damn nice ass from side to side and look out for something easier! but i don’t – and i won’t. and that has nothing to do with the thrill of hunting – i’m not a hunter and i don’t see any sense of hunting after a person’s affection. no it’s my intuition which comes from the heart that tells me to stay. i like to differ between intuition from the heart and my analytical mind. my analytical and cautious mind tells me to run – “if he doesn’t take it a step further after all this time and get’s official with you, then you shouldn’t waste time. he’ll fall for a better, sexier and whatever kind of girl, not for you stupido. how could you ever thought about being good enough for him?!” – yeh harsh thoughts right? funny how my intuition shouts back “stupid mind, shut the fuck up, sit back and let me take over – i can sense things you’d never be able to see or understand. i got caught for a reason”. yes, and this specific reason causes me to stay, wait and yes learn – i learned that eventhough it’s nice to get what you want asap that there are certain things that can’t be achieved within short time because some things in life will only reveal their beautiful worth to those who are willing to wait and willing to stick through highs and lows! i don't like to call it a test, but somehow it is a test - why should you settle for anything thats too impatient, too unwilling, to stubborn, too egocentric and too unstable - or even becomes ugly bitchy when things go "wrong"?  you can't figure that out within weeks or even days!

rom wasn’t built in a day either, right?

did the romans know if their wonderful rom would be destroyed anytime soon, just after finishing it? no.

did the romans know how long rom would exist in the future? no.

nevertheless, they built their city with a lot of care, patience and persistence – instead of rushing over every brick – quality takes time and so does love. so after analyzing that it’s crystal clear why i stick around my mr. big – because i love to do so and because i know that whatever might come will be worth all of it. never brought up so much patience, faith and persistence for anybody who isn’t a part of my family!!!!! like never! different kind of coming closer to eachother but you know me… i like “different”. don’t underestimate a slow process, if you take a closer look you’ll see that it’s glued… like super glued – won’t make bricks fall off easily. i don’t think he notices it himself, but his eyes, mimic and gesture tell me a long story - i've never seen someone like him before, he fascinates me like no one else. weird how he claims himself as the most impatient person ever – when in fact we both are equally impatient and still we bring up the same amount of persistence. oh man – i love “weird” and we are def doing weird things. but most important of all – and that’s the difference between bringing up energy for something unworthy and worthy as he is - it brings happiness. that’s all that matters.

so eventhough my mind shakes me a bit from time to time, fearing the unknown destination - my intuition sticks around and tells me to just go with the flow and see what happens :) however... i learned a lot, so i'll never regret that - happy & lucky girl because "this" indeed reveals more each time, giving me things back you can't buy ▪ 

- Sarah Jessica 

#3 inspired post

pic/quote by dapper_grandiose_fashion (Instagram)

▪ intimacy and lust might appear as the same to some people - intimacy goes hand in hand with affection, desire and most of all trust & respect. without them it's pure lust, without them it's just regular quick exchange of satisfaction. intimacy requires also a lot of time and feelings - i'm not talking about love explicit - love needs to be seed and grows over a long long time before it blooms in all it's beauty, when it finally does it will take it to a whole new stage, but now it's more about the bond you feel between eachother that brings unconditional joy in pleasing and feeling eachother. You let yourself down and you experience desire without any worries that hold you back - you just go with the flow without shame towards one another, it just feels right and no matter what you do, respect is always given. and no, a "friends with benefits" or "f*** buddy" thing could never ever go that far. people might think that pure lust is all that it takes to experience phenomenal physical sex. i can't make you imagine or understand what I'm talking about - nobody can - until you find yourself in pure intimacy on the highest scale with someone you truly feel and "see" with your mind, heart & soul. sharing all of the essential affection, trust, respect and desire for eachother makes sex to something more wonderful & special than lust could ever do! it's a mental, heart & physical trip you will experience and don't get confused when you think eachtime get's better and better when you already thought that there can't be any higher ladder to climb - because each time your bond grows harder and stronger like carbon which turns into a diamond - creating a bond which lasts a lifetime. once you found somebody who you experienced something like that with - you shouldn't let that person go because you might never connect to someone to the fullest like that again - setting a strong & special foundation for happiness & peace of mind and soul ▪

- Sarah Jessica


edit: by experiencing the above you give a man the oppertunity to look beyond your sex appeal and keep his subconscious busy with puzzling out the fact why it feels right.. more than ever and why it never looses a single bit of it's mindblowing taste after all. yes, one might say that things you do often become routine quickly and due to that it results in quantity instead of quality - true. the thing is "that" was never something usual - since the beginning respect was given, trust was gained and mixed with something you can call "invisible lemongrass" because you can't really define this special kind of "ingredient" that made you two click - all of that made something one of a kind. so i say no, this isn't something that will become routine... ever.

#2 inspired post

▪ somehow it's like running a campaign - you might be nice & representable, an esthetic lady with the right moves and manners, a passioned lover who is patient and giving, a cheerful and understanding shoulder, a loyal buddie who is hilarious & goofy, a caring partner who will always have your back and knows how to make you happy, a thoughtful and open speaker & listener who takes you on to higher mindjourneys, a girl who is laidback & honest, a faithful and forgiving soul - you might bring all that's needed & desired - but still, you can't force to get the big vote for the final election. It can feel like playing roulette with your heart , you bet all of your precious time, thoughts and feelings on one single field but you never know if you win and gain even more back or if you lose everything in the end. Stay true to yourself, be at your best and believe that someday, you will go out as the honored and happy elected new president of a man's heart. ▪ 

- Sarah Jessica

#1 inspired post

pic/quote by thecrazytruth.tumblr.com

▪ ladies, if you got a man's attention and turned it into respect, appreciation & a true friendship because of your ability to actually speak out with your heart & intellect - be confident about it cuz' he won't let you down for any cheap "sale" sign that passes his way and might turn his head for a second. He appreciates the mental connection between both of you & the way you captured his mind and true respect more than a quick distraction that comes a long. "Sale" advertisments come and go on a daily basis - but at the end of the day they turned his head for a second - you turned AND captured his head, mind, respect & happiness for a life time. Think about it ▪

- Sarah Jessica

edit:  a deep mental connection can give peace of mind because it results out of the ability to understand and accept eachother - nothing to be taken for granted. a quick chase might satisfy him for a while, but true mental depth and delightment overweight any thrill in the end. ease a man's mind beyond superficiality and show him how meaningless time can get when he's around you - he will never want to miss that again cause that's luxury- forgotten how to live by that by many but craved by almost everyone. Give it to him and you will get much more in return - either a lifetime friendship or a lifetime love. I tend to go for the second because finding someone like that is rare and chances that you fall in love with eachothers mindsets are big, seriously... you shouldn't let go of something like that, especially when that person can give you something like you never had before.

my hair journey: how to care for red hair & maintain vibrancy

Disclaimer: i'm by no means a professional - if you are concerned using some of the mentioned products then consider your local beauty salon for advice or google! i just share my experiences with you and show you how i do it cause' it works for me.

yeh dem b!tches be like "care, care, care" - BUT hair care becomes slightly different when you are a red head! The better you care for your hair with the right products, the longer you will enjoy a vibrant color - no you really don't want to run around with hair looking all faded and... just meh!!!

g e n e r a l

as we know from our research, red color molecules mostly sit on the surface of our hair because they are too big for our hair cuticles to fully absorb. each time you wash your hair it will bleed out - there is no way of avoiding it. especially if you wash it on a daily basis or every second day + overkill factor: warm/hot water. i wash my hair in cold water only - how i do it without freezing my whole body, i'll explain later. combining both, daily washing + warm/hot water, i'll promise you that your red color will fade super fast. that's why i wash my hair max. 3 times a week - usually 2 times, when i was out clubbin or whatever doin things that affect the freshness of my hair i wash it 3 times, otherwise just 2 times. you think that's gross?! jezz a bit oil is so good for our hair - it's natural!! - washing your hair on a daily basis will damage it anyways and might cause a dry scalp! sure it depends if you have naturally greasy hair or not, but if you have let's say "normal" grease excess then 2 times a week is just fine! but here's another tip, use dry shampoo between your washing days - it's not at all old fashioned, it works super well and gives back freshness by absorbing the grease in your hair + it smells nice. 

p r o d u c t s

• "reviting reds" shampoo & conditioner (see first picture), amazon
• "gliss kur" marrakesh oil & coconut intensive hair mask, dm
• "alverde" almond & argan hair oil, dm
• "balea" trend it up dry shampoo, dm

bleeding love *sing*

m y  r o u t i n e

as i said before i wash my hair in cold water, so obviously i don't want my whole body to freeze the sh!t out of it - that's why i wash it separately. see how it bleeds out even with cold water? the thought of how bad it would bleed out even more with hot water gives me shivers!!! i wash it headover in the tub first, using both my reviting reds shampoo & conditioner. those products are indeed red! they are red tinted and color depositing products, that's why they help you to maintain your color a little better and longer. we aren't talking about general products for colored hair, these goodies are explicit for red hair because they contain red pigments - yes they will stain your hands a bit, but that fades after washing your hands with soap or showering your body.

shampoo above, conditioner below

when i put on the conditioner i also add some of my hair mask and massage it all in. instead of hangin over the tub for 8-10 minutes like a weirdo. i slightly wring out my hair and wrap it in an extra towel - then i shower my body as usual, having both products in my wet hair which i wrapped up. that works just fine and i can have both, warm shower & cold hair wash!! after showering i simply hang over my head again and wash it out! that's all, actually not much more effort than doing it the other way round - that way it's much easier to leave in the mask/conditioner. my hair really feels awesomely soft and it's somehow easier to straighten!! of course i use a heat protector before doing so. super shiny!

stained hands - but no biggie!

after that i just massage a little bit of my almond/argan oil into the tips of my damp hair and let it air dry - another amazing tip! cold washing + air drying really helps your hair to shine, stay healthy and on top of that it maintains your color way longer! although the reviting reds products help for vibrancy they do not replace a touch up! the difference after using it isn't phenomenal, but you can clearly see that it helps a bit. in my next post i'll write about how i touch up my roots and what i use on my hair length to touch up! i just ordered two different semi permanent hair dye, manic panic amplified in vampire red (more a blueish red) and directions in poppy red (more a pinkish hotter red) however these are vegan dyes, you can mix them and they don't damage your hair because they don't contain ammonia or other aggressive chemicals - they are even cruelty free!! but you will read about both in my next post.

one last tip: when you use dry shampoo between your hair washes then you won't have problems with grease or whatever. i'm not sure yet if this product is the right one for me but til now it works. 2 days after washing my hair i spray little strand by strand on my upper sections, run a towel gently through my hair and brush it out - no leftovers but freshness instead!