#6 ladies only - men's pandora's box

 

prometheus brought fire to humanity  -  as punishment for all mankind, zeus ordered hephaistos to build the first woman ever out of mud, pandora, - bringing all kind of plagues upon all of us. it's said that zeus gave pandora a box filled with total punishment and plagues for humanity, and no man on earth should ever open it. however, she did - typical woman - and punishment hit mankind.

that inspired me somehow, because a lot of men see a "relationship box" as some kind of "box of doomness" / "pandora's box" - they get afraid, corner up and back off like we could infect them with death bringing sickness. dear men, please think out of the box and don't underestimate a woman's need before even talking about being in a relationship with a man. yes, we do tend to be emotional whores - but it takes much more than a good looking man who's funny etc to finally make us settle!

because emotional exchange isn't the same as finally "signing the contract" - ok that doesn't sound nice - but you get my point. we might have a huge crush on you and yes we might be emotional and super attached to you, but that's about it. before we consider you to be our partner/boyfriend there are a whole lot of other criteria we are looking out for. it's not like we have a list hanging in our bathroom and we checkmark every feature of you, don't be paranoid. ok i admit that it's somehow confusing for men because they tend to categories our emotional attachment as a desperate need for tying them down and make them settle. but no, that's definitely not the case.

sure, it depends - not every woman has the same needs and some jump into a relationship right away - but i want to show up that it takes much much more for a man to really get a woman hooked for a relationship - ironic isn't it, men try their best to not be "boxed" and corner up their buts, but still they want their piece of cake. society, hollywood and all of that crap make men and women believe that there's nothing worse than being "boxed" - why settle down if you can have fwb?! it's so easy, we can fuck around without having any feelings and committment for one another. FALSE - one is going to develop feelings sooner or later and most of the time it's the lady. but by attempting to get closer to him, giving him his cake each and everytime, you are actually taking steps away from being in a relationship with him. that topic will be followed up later.

men like the chase, the thrill of not getting it the easy way - and they often misunderstand our early attachment or when we admit to have a crush on them - they automatically assume that they could have us with a fingersnap. yes, therefore we get boring for them and we are looked at as a piece of cake - nothing more. but dear men, i assure you that your assume is wrong, dead wrong. of course we invest a lot but we don't just throw that in every man's face - we are very picky - so yes, we consider you as "boyfriend material" BUT and here's the big big but:

before we give you the pleasure of experiencing unconditional and monogamous love,

• YOU need to EARN our trust
• just because we really really dig you, doesn't mean we fully trust you
• YOU need to be RELIABLE
• last minute plans, not writing back for hours/days, not picking up calls is not about being reliable
• YOU need to show that you are NOT one of those FLIRTY DOUCHBAGS - see my other post
• instantly giving away your attention to other girls is not nice, you think we don't get it? if you need to get so much attention from others then you just shot yourself off from our "potencial list" and it will take a lot of involvement from your side to gain back our precious trust
• YOU need to show us emotional STRENGTH
• no, emotional strength isn't cornering up, whining about feeling pressured and stuff. man up
•  YOU need to invest your TIME in communication
• no, if you sporadicly respond to us and don't give a shit to really spend time with us and get to know us - then no, you are not considered as good enough
• YOU need to keep your HANDS in place
• you might get to kiss us and get intimate with us to a specific point, but if you get impatient about finally getting to bed - then you just add another big ass minus point on our list
• YOU need to be emotional CAPABLE
• if you show us again and again that you are far away of being capable of a lady's emotional need of exchanging it, then don't even think that we put our trust in you. because we can smell that you'll leave us alone when we need you the most
• YOU need to convince us that you are not a filthy liar
• we will acknowledge a lot of your lies, still we won't say a thing - giving you the chance to do it right. if you start lying to us then you'll denie it anyway, no sense in calling you out on them

honestly, we could have a huge ass crush on you - we could even say "i love you" after months, but still we are not insane enough to jump into a relationship with you UNTIL you prove that you are worth it. being in a relationship means that we have trust and faith in you, knowing that we don't need to be worried about you hooking up other girls etc, knowing that you'll be by our side when we need you, knowing that you care enough about us to not lie in our face - we are emotional whores and we are stupid to still love you after all - but no, that's not enough for us to settle with you.

so please stop thinking of yourself as godlike ones, we aren't bunnies, ceps or anything you could EASILY have - it's a privilege  for YOU if we choose you to be our one and only partner. we could be as sweet as sugarcoat, making you feel adored - but trust me you haven't seen half of what awaits the lucky man who'll get chosen - so get ur finger out of your lazy emotional ass and don't count ur chickens before they're hatched. involving ourself into a relationship with you, giving you even more of us - that takes a real man, who stands his ground, proves emotional strength and perseverance to date us long enough. but a minus point for us women: because we are emotional whores, men get lazy and take all of our involvement for granted and therefor we aren't a challenge anymore. if they only knew that it takes so so so much more and just because we stick around for months - making ourself look stupid and desperate - doesn't mean that they could have us in an instant. while treating you with angel's patient we def "note" every single nasty behavior of yours, still hoping you'd change and stop being so stupid - misunderstood as waiting around for YOU to settle down for US - but trust me, it's the other way round. we are just too forgiving, giving and hopeful - one could say it's our own fault if men string us along, crushing our hearts without feeling bad at all.

i'm just thinking that there is a misunderstanding that misleads men to think that we are no challenge because we get involved emotionally quicker - that's def not the case, we just give you too many chances to prove us your strong emotional masculine traits. well, just means show us that u have balls nd don't just bark like a frightened dog. date us long enough, invest yourself, earn our trust, show us that you are mature enough to be monogamous without feeling caged, and THEN we consider you as good bf material. man up nd stop thinking you are a topshot hunter - it's a lady's choice to whom she gives the privilege and damn she knows exactly what to look for eventhough she might give you too many chances. until she kicks your but out of her eyesight because you just don't get it. man up and learn how to stop playing games - a real man just needs to be ambitious, both of life AND work. a gentleman can always turn the table if he didn't fully screw up - but there is the separation from the wheat and the chaff - most men don't have the courage to admit own stupid behavior and kindly ask for a last chance to prove all of their qualities, after he realized that emotional involvement doesn't mean that he could have us "boxed" in an instant.you have a long way to go mister, try to take me out for dinner with your granted attidtude once more - i fucking cancel it until you appreciate my precious time enough to keep asking me out.

there is nothing you have to be afraid of, i know that a man's heart is often times more fragile than a woman's heart - but still, a solar eclipse doesn't come long that often, don't be a dick by missing it because you think it will reappear tomorrow - it won't, unless you get ur ass up and travel after it.

edit 05/06/2013: no, even if you think you could live twice - we live our life right now - once! and that mofu solar eclipse won't come again in this life if you let it pass by - good luck

#7 inspired post

quote / pic by dapper_grandiose_fashion (instagram)

 ▪ just like one says "knives, forks, scissors & fire aren't meant for little kids to play with" - a  lady should say "trust, loyalty, faith & emotions aren't meant for little boys to play with". a man isn't much more than a "grown up" boy - so he will play and mess around with the given trust & heart from a lady which are very delicate and easy to break, therefor you shouldn't give those things away easily - he won't respect and appreciate it in a proper way. what sets apart a gentleman from a man is that he indeed knows the value of your given trust & feelings that come along with his emotional interaction with you - he won't crave and run after the attention from other ladies by giving them his more than obvious attention. a gentleman knows that by doing so he risks to lose one of the biggest and most important things that glue the bond he has with his lady - trust, without that everything else will become more and more fragile. it shakes up a lady's self assurance and her view on you - don't be one more reason for her to doubt that true gentlemen still exist. If a man can't stay focussed on one lady at a time - in fact his lady that gave him her heart - then he should give it back and as he isn't a worthy gentleman any longer, he shouldn't dare to accept given trust & feelings as he doesn't handle them with respect. be a gentleman, take responsibility & show her that you are way more worthy than other men who crave for her - she chosed you to be the worthy heart & trust keeper - don't ruin it by pointless flirting & staring, giving away the attention she deserves, no other lady than her. be worth her trust and she'll give you much more in return - unconditional and faithfull love which is paired with admiration & affection only meant for you. ▪ - Sarah Jessica

edit for gentlemen: you shouldn't find yourself in a situation where you have to think twice if your actions are doubtful, especially when it might cause you to think "she won't notice it anyway" or "i'll simply delete it afterwards"- as soon one of these thoughts pop up in your head, that's a damn huge alert signal for you to doubt yourself!!!! because you know that it's not right!

before you interact with others, especially other women, consider at least one of the following thoughts that should run through your mind first - and i mean seriously first(!) everytime:

"if my lady would read/hear my conversation with that other woman on FB/IG/etc...."

• would i still say/write the same things
• would i still be that overly "generous" aka flirty
• would i still suggest to meet up at some time (omfg i cringe while typing that - fuck that shit HELLOO)
• would i still like her half naked pictures on FB or IG (that makes me go big chunky coconuts, seriously i fucking hate that)
• would i still send all those stupid smiley faces
• would i still need to delete my convo after that
• would i still complement her on looking so bangin hot (or whatever crap men write)
• would i still be able to say about myself that i'm a nice guy (no not because your lying to yourself and defending yourself that it's sooooooo super normal to write in that way with other women - no it's not - basta)  
• would i still show my own convo/txt to my lady (yeh that says it all)
• how would my lady feel when she heard/saw it
• would my lady feel disrespected
• would my lady doubt my faithfulness
• would my lady feel jealous about giving away my attention to other women
• would my lady feel sad about my flirty behavior
• would my lady lose trust and faith in me
• would my lady lose her precious point of view on me
• would my lady feel hurt  
• would my lady be able to be happy with me after that
• how would i feel if she did the same things with other men
• how would i feel when she is txting with other men behind my back
• how would i feel when she likes half naked pics of other men
• how would i look at her if she did those things
• would i trust her any longer
• would i respect her any longer

this is so simple in fact - if a big fat ass YES comes to your mind for at least one of those things i listed - then stop doing it!!! i'm not paranoid, of course we interact on a daily basis with our opposite sex - might it be at work or with the cashier, what so ever! that's not the point and we all know damn well what i'm talking about. don't act stupid and fool yourself! 

if you can count yourself a lucky man because you have someone special at your side - then please, do yourself a favor and think twice - 99% of the interaction with random women who don't have anything to do with your worklife/family etc is pointless and just flirty because you need attention and ego boost. as i said, if you can't handle to focus on one lady at a time, then you don't deserve a true lady who would give her all to you. and the bad thing is you know exactly what you can lose - but mostly you think you won't lose it. 

you are wrong.

and there are a lot of disrespectful things that a lady can experience, but she should never experience disrespect from you by actually showing her that you can do better with other women - and yes, that's the hurtful impression you make with your actions. and don't try to defend such cheap behavior with words like "it's just texting or it's just liking her picture, i wouldn't do anything in real life" - this is the real life!!!!!!!!!!! or were you dreaming that you texted her? fuck no - you were doing it, right here right now!!!! man up for your lady or sit back and let her have a real gentleman who appreciates her true value and knows why he's with her and not with one of the others - because she will make him happier than anyone else ever could. so please pay her respect and don't drag her public & personal self assurance down - it will make her look & feel stupid. whenever i see a man who's in a relationship and acts all flirty with other women it just makes me cringe and feel bad for his girlfriend - and THAT is something very important to us ladies, how others see our relationship and therefor "us" as our relationship represents a big part of ourself and yes it makes us feel embarrassed when everyone around us notices what kind of flirty douche bag we have. a lady wants to be proud of her man & her relationship, don't ruin that.     

if we just reflect for a short moment how our partner would feel about it, or much easier - how WE would feel about our partner's behavior - then we all would benefit from less frustration, disappointment & hurt.