#10 ladies only - dump his ass

▪ in my eyes the dating world is fucked up - thanks to both men and women who act fucked up coward. girls cry nd wait around for prince charming to get his lazy ass out of the tree - why? because we all had those moments when we tried to pursue, tried to push it to the next level - beside that this is so wrong, whiping off his lazy ass and adapt the male courting role - and we got pushed away. so we got all scared and decided to wait and wait, oh yes, and wait. we take lots of his shitty hot nd cold behavior, disappearing acts, no calls, no txts etc - instead of getting pissed nd dump his ass we make up with silly excuses "he's busy", "workaholic", "he needs time", "he's shy". 

ok now all together: B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T! 

it's significant how a guy's behavior can change after sex and so does our behavior change, like walkin on eggshells. if u reach the 2nd base with a guy - and in my opinion this means sex - then its like signing an unspoken contract. (not talkin about one night stands) if he gets the honor to earn your trust and gets intimate with you then his morals and respect should be so high that he knows how to act after sex. there are two simple options: 

1. put as much effort into getting to know u as he did before if he is interested 

OR 2. tell u within a few days that he's not that into you. 

no, us ladies don't get your coward "get the hint" behavior - stop stringing us along! man up, if you are man enough to put it in then be man enough to quit it soon enough. I made up my mind and that's where my power is: I have nothing to lose. so no, I won't chase you, I won't buy your cheap excuses, I won't let myself be stringed along, I won't let u disappear and get back like nothing happend. I'm open, I'm blunt and I know my worth - after a couple of days I'll confront a man's lazy ass and if he doesn't step up then I wave my sign - BYE BYE! cuz I'm not scared at all to "lose" something I never really had in the first place. think about it - the right guy will keep up his effort and interest over moooonths without lacking. 

so what did ur prince charming do?! few txts per week?! few times he actually cared enough to ask in detail how u doin, how ur day was, how YOU FEEL?! nah??? dump his ass, he has other options nd you are not important enough for him to focus on you. why should he be ur #1?!?!?! u r probably not even his #2,#3 or #4!!!! know ur worth and the right man will notice that. ▪ - Sarah Jessica

#3 ladies only - trust equals respect

quote / pic by thecrazytruth.tumblr.com

sometimes our own mind plays little nasty games with us, worst case scenarios creep around and surrender knocks heavily on our door. especially if we expect something nice to happen because someone told us so – it’s so easy in fact to run after it because we doubt that it will happen on its own or because we thought it would come around quicker.

i don’t really like to use the word desperation, no it’s more a sign that you don’t trust if you go running after it. a lack of trust is a lack of respect – if you can’t put trust into the smallest things he tells you then you don’t have any trust in him. respecting him means more than just accepting him as he is, it means that you give him your trust and won’t doubt his ability to stick to his statements or promises.

there are reasons why things don’t happen right away or at a time YOU wish for – but that doesn’t mean that they won’t.

knowing that they will happen is big and powerful because it shows your doubtless trust. people underestimate und underrate it all the time – “i love him but i don’t trust him, so i run after him. otherwise he will forget about me and will move on” wrong, wrong, wrong.

there is no love when there is no trust - there might be feelings but love requires earned and given trust. it’s true even when it sounds a bit weird:

“you may not trust someone you love. but you can always love someone you trust”

i would alter it a bit though because there isn’t any love without trust – simple as that. and trust isn’t given from the start, therefore love doesn’t happen overnight! love takes time as the trust grows you have and trust can only grow when fed right. so by running after him you show that he’s not able to match your expectations in your eyes – because if you’d actually trust him then you’d know that he’ll be there and won’t forget about you. that’s why there is no reason to cause a scene when things don’t happen according to your “timeline”, it would show that you lacked trust while you indeed waited! that’s the big difference between waiting, doubting, fearing, disrespecting & knowing, trusting, respecting!

no obvious evidence that he broke your trust? no fearful desperation needed until it’s proven otherwise! weak love will never build up a loving and stable home.

if you can bring up doubtless and genuine trust – then you carry strong love for him in your heart.

#2 ladies only - back off and let him be a man

edit 04/12/2013: yeh my mother teresa complex got me all fooled up. there is just a simple simple simple and undeniable reason why men don't txt - because they lack interest in you. punkt. move on because he didn't care enough about you and that you are waiting on a response - even if it's important to you - that shows enough about his serious interest in you. you are a back up plan he can pull back when he feels like, not when YOU feel like. let him be happy because he is probably a nice guy... just not very nice with you. keep nice moments you both had in mind and move on.

Our gender is usually more into communication - nothing new huh? How often do i hear this common complaint "he doesn't text back that much" or "why does it take hours for him to answer or even days" yada yada yada - yeh and i can count myself for gettin headaches from overthinking this annoying male behavior - trying to figure out why.

And no, this post is not about setting up some stupid, overrated "chasing game" plan - i honestly think it's stupid and somehow pathetic - i know there are some super popular "dating advice" books out there, telling women how to play the game etc and they might help, i don't know because i don't read those - heard a lot but i never bought one of these. i don't say that you shouldn't stick to (hm trying to find the right word) "rules" of proper courting, but don't get lost in those weird "don't reply for 3 days" or "if he calls, don't asnwer the phone" shit. of course everybody is more or less busy, i understand, but don't use these weird rules on purpose. i honestly don't know if men make use of these equally as women do, but however i think that sucks.

today we use a ton of different ways of communication - mostly via sms or text apps like "whatsapp" which indeed has a big downside - we get transparent for everyone else. yeh don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about, we've all been there - checking our crush's last online activity in whatsapp or whatever media you use. it can be amusing to some point but it can also drive you nuts when you see that he's been online at least 10-15 times a day without answering one of your god damn texts.

however i have to admit that women in general and i'm also one of those, text a lot.. like a lot!!! we unintentionally spam our desired man with too much of daily, emotional or whatever ish - of course with the expectation for them to write back. it can make us look needy, desperate or whatever. for me, when i text a lot then i care a lot - a text can fulfill many purposes, setting up dates, chatting about daily stuff etc - for me it's kind of a way to let somebody know that i have him on my mind. and although i am a little hypercommunicative, i learned to back off - to stop initiating contact every god damn day.

why? because i clearly stated my interest a thousand times by contacting first via text or call after a few days of silence. it's true i might be over the top with communication, that's just how i am and how i show some kind of affection but by doing so i take away a man's primary courting instinct: curiosity.
it's like serving him a meal he didn't ask for, can be nice but it can be hella annoying or boring the shit out of him. there's no need to miss or be curious about something when it gets served every day - nor is there a need to put in effort when you get it for free everytime. worst of all he might start to take you & your effort for granted - therefor no need for him to change his behavior.

keep in mind, they are not our boyfriends - so why do we always expect so much from them that goes beyond the "dating zone"? whatever the answer might be - we should stop. maybe he's too busy (ok no one is too busy to not text back within 2 days) or he simply texts other girls (he's free to do so when he's single, although i like to focus on one person at a time - so therefor it would hurt me) or he simply doesn't feel like texting you - whatever it is there's nothing for us to change that.

to be honest it makes me feel bad, it upsets me somehow and most of all it makes me feel unappreciated and disrespected. but on the other hand i try to let go, be patient, understanding and don't interpret too much - so backing off for a few days is my way of showing respect for his private life and need for space. not knowing if he actually acknowledges this as paying respect to him.

however, i try to bring this whole thing to a point

• stop texting too much
• don't write "essays" - that will kill his interest and he lacks time nd interest to read all of it anyway
• if he doesn't reply within hours or even days - back off
• if you called him and he didn't call back - back off
• if he replys then write back, without using stupid "double of his time" rules - but keep it simple
• learn to use texting as a media to set up dates, quick and simple
• learn to let go of the idea to show affection via text - safe that up for "real" time together
• let the effort be equally on both sides
• texting shouldn't be your main communication - calls/meetings are way better!
• let him pursue you, let him miss you
• jesus stop liking every god damn picture on his IG or FB

I think there is a simple thing to say about all the texting ish - let it be equal! If he texts you a lot then you should text back with the same effort, when he calls you make the same effort and call him first the next time, if he doesn't give a shit to write you then you should do the same, if he never picked up a call or called back then just simply don't give a fuck and let him be, if he asked you out for dinner/movies etc then ask him out another time. women need to learn to stop showing too much effort via txting without recieving anything equal back and at the same time to put down wrong expectations like "a man needs to make the first move with everything". 

today's world is superficial enough - go back to basics, text/call to set up a date, put down texting as your main communication and focus on quality time together, wether it be just hanging out a little or go out for a walk by a lake - just put your damn phone aside and live life where it takes place, and that's not in your phone! so as we realize this for ourself, we have the ability to safe up our effort for more meaningful things - showing affection and thoughtfulness in a different way - when we actually meet the people we like.

allow him to fulfill his natural male role of being the pursuer - let him take the lead and when he does then go with it and appreciate his effort. stop chasing it - instead be patient while going after other things in life. you will sense out if the wait will be worth it or not, but overthinking is a waste of your precious mind capacity.

a man who wants you will get back to you - just like the saying "let it go and if it returns, it's yours"
although i love to recieve texts and although i'm very impatient - i learned to adapt. good for me i guess...