to a long lost somebody

Walking in your shoes

If I tried walking in your shoes I wouldn’t make it far, because I don’t understand what those shoes are made of. By letting you walk in my shoes aka reading my blog I tried to make you understand what my lips weren’t able to say. Some words might have been written very harsh, that’s true and I honestly never thought about the possibility of you really reading my blog. I’m unsure if you ever read most of my posts but now I reflect on that and wonder how I’d feel if I read it while walking in your shoes. Would I feel resentful, hurt or sad? I’d feel somehow frightened I guess… frightened of my own actions and how they hurt someone I thought I would never want to hurt, frightened of how future interaction will go – will I hurt somebody’s feelings again and will this manifest itself on this blog like a long echo that still can be heard long after it was yelled out?

#30 inspired post

I really want to write this post talking about my inspiration because it means the world to me.

Book keeping is my daily job & it pays my bills, I really like my job and my team is effin great!! Love em so much, makes every day a fun day. But there is another “job” I have - writing on my blog. Althought I shouldn’t call it my job because it’s nothing I “have” to do. Still… in fact I really HAVE to do it, because it’s my way of expression. It’s my way of keeping my balance, it’s my way of showing my inner world. I am not going to lie but neither I am going to put glitter on shit.

My inspiration was on a damn super high in 2013 – breathing in inspiration and breathing out amazing posts – however my inspiration went down under by end of 2013 and throughout 2014 nothing changed. I tried to start all over again but things got so difficult and it literally pissed me off to censor my shit, to give this damn blog a different?! name – holy shit please hit me with a chair the next time - and pretend that the source of this amazing blog came out of my ass nd was entertained by nothing that could compare to real passion. Back then in 2013 when I sat down and started to type, the letters were just flowing magically, sentence after sentence, there it was – big inspired posts from the heart. I loved to reread everyone of them from time to time and I still do now. It was simply my pure self that I laid down in this blog, emotional stripping.

However, I realized something in the past weeks as there was a change in my emotional life – it’s not just that I can feel inspiration running through my veins again, it shocked me even more (in a positive way) what triggers my inspiration!

Yeh of course it’s passion… but passion can be found in other souls… right? Well, guess that doesn’t count for me. 

Beautiful how the same passion from back then which inspired me to write is the same one to inspire me again to start all over again! Isn’t it ironic?

#29 inspired post

someone called me robogirl - and it was true. 

It was true because I didn't let my soul fully guide me, I always kept it in check with my huge overworking mind. Why? Well I found two things today. two things were given me today - the first thing was understanding. Understanding myself, why certain patterns in my head ruled over my heart. The second thing was freedom of my heart. Freedom I gave my heart & soul after understanding myself. The first thing was a gift I received. The second thing was a gift I made myself. Finally I feel in balance with everything that makes me the woman I truly am. It was a long journey but in the end it was worth every obstacle that crossed my path. The person which faces you with geniune understanding and a look right through you into the deepest part of you, is the one who captivates and frees your soul. 

#11 inspired post

pic by thecrazytruth.tumblr.com

true as my heart, packed with a lot, sparing it out on the floor - vulnerability became rare, disrespected and used. oneway ticket to a woman's precious garden, or even a roundway ticket? where do us women want to stand in life? right, on our own heels with a pretty smile inspired by our life, falls, wins, family, friends and loved ones - also by people who crushed our heart into million pieces, why? because they showed us where we never ever want to stand again, down under with our feet in the mud of sticky never ending back and forth issues. no, we standup proudly, knowing that we'll never settle for less than we are truly worth of. we won't bend nor knee, we walk along our life's path happily and if one man out of douzen steps out of his comfort zone and wants us to be his queen, then he'll walk with us instead of leading us onto his comfort path.

we own this, we inspired men to get back to their instincts of going after what they want and get it with the right effort. there isn't a king and his lady, there will be a king and queen - partners not worshippers. a weak mind will dimm the light of your heart, know your worth and the directions you are going after and let that outshine all the other temptations men are after. because at the end of the day you are a queen with flaws and sparkling facets who will never feel and especially act like a side chick, doormat or bottom chick - be yourself and let that be amazing enough for him to do his male job, proudly courting his queen. there might be many courtjesters dancing around you, be patient, do your business and look at him as he courts you, you'll notice him in an instant - because a king will win with actions not words.

- sarah jessica

#5 inspired post

when i first met mr. big i never had a clue what was about to come in my life - the past months were anything but normal, i guess it's something totally irrational what made me do all of those things. i experience so many different things, a lot i experienced for the first time. but it's not all about experiencing things for the first time, it's about how he makes me see them from a different point of view - like there isn't any better way for it, like this is just how it should be. and that feeling is beautiful. this is def not where i planned to go in first place, but it reveals to be just the perfect, right place where i belong to be in the end.

cloud 9, cloud 7, pinky love glasses, falling in love, loves stoned - however one might call it, i don't care. fact is mr. big knocked me off my mental feet, like there is a switch for inspiration and imagination that went from "off" to "ON & hyper hyper on". my mind was never dull though, but it felt like slowly drying out from thirst - thirsty for huge mental stimulation. guess i couldn't define it myself back then, but something was missing in my life. he inspired me in a different way, enabled me to write again - not just about how awesomely handsome he is etc nah, much more!! almost every text is inspired by him and that makes me happy. that makes my mind feel alive and limitless - i feel a huge need to write my thoughts down and if i can't then that upsets me, more and more each day. so as he gives me inspiration, he gives me peace of mind and happiness at the same time.

i believe that one can find inspiration in many things, but if you can find inspiration which is given from the heart of someone so special - well that amazes me.

thank you