#2 ladies only - back off and let him be a man

edit 04/12/2013: yeh my mother teresa complex got me all fooled up. there is just a simple simple simple and undeniable reason why men don't txt - because they lack interest in you. punkt. move on because he didn't care enough about you and that you are waiting on a response - even if it's important to you - that shows enough about his serious interest in you. you are a back up plan he can pull back when he feels like, not when YOU feel like. let him be happy because he is probably a nice guy... just not very nice with you. keep nice moments you both had in mind and move on.

Our gender is usually more into communication - nothing new huh? How often do i hear this common complaint "he doesn't text back that much" or "why does it take hours for him to answer or even days" yada yada yada - yeh and i can count myself for gettin headaches from overthinking this annoying male behavior - trying to figure out why.

And no, this post is not about setting up some stupid, overrated "chasing game" plan - i honestly think it's stupid and somehow pathetic - i know there are some super popular "dating advice" books out there, telling women how to play the game etc and they might help, i don't know because i don't read those - heard a lot but i never bought one of these. i don't say that you shouldn't stick to (hm trying to find the right word) "rules" of proper courting, but don't get lost in those weird "don't reply for 3 days" or "if he calls, don't asnwer the phone" shit. of course everybody is more or less busy, i understand, but don't use these weird rules on purpose. i honestly don't know if men make use of these equally as women do, but however i think that sucks.

today we use a ton of different ways of communication - mostly via sms or text apps like "whatsapp" which indeed has a big downside - we get transparent for everyone else. yeh don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about, we've all been there - checking our crush's last online activity in whatsapp or whatever media you use. it can be amusing to some point but it can also drive you nuts when you see that he's been online at least 10-15 times a day without answering one of your god damn texts.

however i have to admit that women in general and i'm also one of those, text a lot.. like a lot!!! we unintentionally spam our desired man with too much of daily, emotional or whatever ish - of course with the expectation for them to write back. it can make us look needy, desperate or whatever. for me, when i text a lot then i care a lot - a text can fulfill many purposes, setting up dates, chatting about daily stuff etc - for me it's kind of a way to let somebody know that i have him on my mind. and although i am a little hypercommunicative, i learned to back off - to stop initiating contact every god damn day.

why? because i clearly stated my interest a thousand times by contacting first via text or call after a few days of silence. it's true i might be over the top with communication, that's just how i am and how i show some kind of affection but by doing so i take away a man's primary courting instinct: curiosity.
it's like serving him a meal he didn't ask for, can be nice but it can be hella annoying or boring the shit out of him. there's no need to miss or be curious about something when it gets served every day - nor is there a need to put in effort when you get it for free everytime. worst of all he might start to take you & your effort for granted - therefor no need for him to change his behavior.

keep in mind, they are not our boyfriends - so why do we always expect so much from them that goes beyond the "dating zone"? whatever the answer might be - we should stop. maybe he's too busy (ok no one is too busy to not text back within 2 days) or he simply texts other girls (he's free to do so when he's single, although i like to focus on one person at a time - so therefor it would hurt me) or he simply doesn't feel like texting you - whatever it is there's nothing for us to change that.

to be honest it makes me feel bad, it upsets me somehow and most of all it makes me feel unappreciated and disrespected. but on the other hand i try to let go, be patient, understanding and don't interpret too much - so backing off for a few days is my way of showing respect for his private life and need for space. not knowing if he actually acknowledges this as paying respect to him.

however, i try to bring this whole thing to a point

• stop texting too much
• don't write "essays" - that will kill his interest and he lacks time nd interest to read all of it anyway
• if he doesn't reply within hours or even days - back off
• if you called him and he didn't call back - back off
• if he replys then write back, without using stupid "double of his time" rules - but keep it simple
• learn to use texting as a media to set up dates, quick and simple
• learn to let go of the idea to show affection via text - safe that up for "real" time together
• let the effort be equally on both sides
• texting shouldn't be your main communication - calls/meetings are way better!
• let him pursue you, let him miss you
• jesus stop liking every god damn picture on his IG or FB

I think there is a simple thing to say about all the texting ish - let it be equal! If he texts you a lot then you should text back with the same effort, when he calls you make the same effort and call him first the next time, if he doesn't give a shit to write you then you should do the same, if he never picked up a call or called back then just simply don't give a fuck and let him be, if he asked you out for dinner/movies etc then ask him out another time. women need to learn to stop showing too much effort via txting without recieving anything equal back and at the same time to put down wrong expectations like "a man needs to make the first move with everything". 

today's world is superficial enough - go back to basics, text/call to set up a date, put down texting as your main communication and focus on quality time together, wether it be just hanging out a little or go out for a walk by a lake - just put your damn phone aside and live life where it takes place, and that's not in your phone! so as we realize this for ourself, we have the ability to safe up our effort for more meaningful things - showing affection and thoughtfulness in a different way - when we actually meet the people we like.

allow him to fulfill his natural male role of being the pursuer - let him take the lead and when he does then go with it and appreciate his effort. stop chasing it - instead be patient while going after other things in life. you will sense out if the wait will be worth it or not, but overthinking is a waste of your precious mind capacity.

a man who wants you will get back to you - just like the saying "let it go and if it returns, it's yours"
although i love to recieve texts and although i'm very impatient - i learned to adapt. good for me i guess...