#30 inspired post

I really want to write this post talking about my inspiration because it means the world to me.

Book keeping is my daily job & it pays my bills, I really like my job and my team is effin great!! Love em so much, makes every day a fun day. But there is another “job” I have - writing on my blog. Althought I shouldn’t call it my job because it’s nothing I “have” to do. Still… in fact I really HAVE to do it, because it’s my way of expression. It’s my way of keeping my balance, it’s my way of showing my inner world. I am not going to lie but neither I am going to put glitter on shit.

My inspiration was on a damn super high in 2013 – breathing in inspiration and breathing out amazing posts – however my inspiration went down under by end of 2013 and throughout 2014 nothing changed. I tried to start all over again but things got so difficult and it literally pissed me off to censor my shit, to give this damn blog a different?! name – holy shit please hit me with a chair the next time - and pretend that the source of this amazing blog came out of my ass nd was entertained by nothing that could compare to real passion. Back then in 2013 when I sat down and started to type, the letters were just flowing magically, sentence after sentence, there it was – big inspired posts from the heart. I loved to reread everyone of them from time to time and I still do now. It was simply my pure self that I laid down in this blog, emotional stripping.

However, I realized something in the past weeks as there was a change in my emotional life – it’s not just that I can feel inspiration running through my veins again, it shocked me even more (in a positive way) what triggers my inspiration!

Yeh of course it’s passion… but passion can be found in other souls… right? Well, guess that doesn’t count for me. 

Beautiful how the same passion from back then which inspired me to write is the same one to inspire me again to start all over again! Isn’t it ironic?

#29 inspired post

someone called me robogirl - and it was true. 

It was true because I didn't let my soul fully guide me, I always kept it in check with my huge overworking mind. Why? Well I found two things today. two things were given me today - the first thing was understanding. Understanding myself, why certain patterns in my head ruled over my heart. The second thing was freedom of my heart. Freedom I gave my heart & soul after understanding myself. The first thing was a gift I received. The second thing was a gift I made myself. Finally I feel in balance with everything that makes me the woman I truly am. It was a long journey but in the end it was worth every obstacle that crossed my path. The person which faces you with geniune understanding and a look right through you into the deepest part of you, is the one who captivates and frees your soul. 

#28 inspired post

If you listen... just listen in sweet silence.. then after time silence will reveal the loudest sounds. The heart speaks in a foreign language, it screams at times it whispers at times but its never silent. The mind roars with pride, the mind yells in fear, the mind stutters in insecurity. 

Learning a foreign language will be impossible if you refuse to listen carefully as you begin to understand word by word. Breathing in every sentence as your language caresses my skin, as your grammar kisses my lips, as each pronouncing enters me deeply. Hush sweet foolish mind, let it be.... hush proud mind, let yourself get devoured... hush fearful mind, obey now. Obey to the loudest and dominating presence in this moment as the foreign language becomes native inside you, while it spreads it's meaning inside you like a running river until it drips out drop by drop. Sweet lingering wishes run over the lips as two longing waves meet. Reveal all of your hidden speaking skills, let each articulation run down my skin in shivers, let each letter push me to an explosion of sentences until I forget how to speak with my lips... until I speak nothing else than pure emotions with each heartbeat. 

Intimidate my mind

intimidate my over processed mind... 

I obey to the foreign language that becomes native to me. 

In total silence

#10 inspired post

▪ love can't be described 100%, love has many faces and facets. there might be many ways to choose, easy ones and hard ones - ups and downs. althought I'm a very laidback person, there are things that drive me nuts and I guess I have the same ability to drive someone else nuts. seriously sometimes I could have bitchslapped him, but at the same time I felt love for him and smiled about his funny ass. this might not be the easy way of getting along with eachother but it's exactly that rollercoaster feeling that makes me feel so alive, more than ever. which made me realize that there is so much more to live for, one moment it goes up and I feel life's easy breeze on my skin, in the next moment it goes doooown and I scream and cry, but after the fall there is a curve in this special amazing rollercoaster which makes me jiggle and laugh and it makes me forget about that hyper fall. 

There is something, a strong bond,  that keeps you stickin around instead of walking the line of resentment, like you can't be with it but you can't be without it either. It will always be something different in my eyes, I refuse to say it's a hate & love thing, I rather say it's a different kind of love which requires two individuals who are different on the outside - but true at heart as they knew one another a lifetime. if you look into eachothers eyes after a long time and there still remains that instant spark, well then you know what it's about. that would be weird... but isn't life all about weird nice things that happen when u least expect them? ▪ - Sarah Jessica 

#3 inspired post

pic/quote by dapper_grandiose_fashion (Instagram)

▪ intimacy and lust might appear as the same to some people - intimacy goes hand in hand with affection, desire and most of all trust & respect. without them it's pure lust, without them it's just regular quick exchange of satisfaction. intimacy requires also a lot of time and feelings - i'm not talking about love explicit - love needs to be seed and grows over a long long time before it blooms in all it's beauty, when it finally does it will take it to a whole new stage, but now it's more about the bond you feel between eachother that brings unconditional joy in pleasing and feeling eachother. You let yourself down and you experience desire without any worries that hold you back - you just go with the flow without shame towards one another, it just feels right and no matter what you do, respect is always given. and no, a "friends with benefits" or "f*** buddy" thing could never ever go that far. people might think that pure lust is all that it takes to experience phenomenal physical sex. i can't make you imagine or understand what I'm talking about - nobody can - until you find yourself in pure intimacy on the highest scale with someone you truly feel and "see" with your mind, heart & soul. sharing all of the essential affection, trust, respect and desire for eachother makes sex to something more wonderful & special than lust could ever do! it's a mental, heart & physical trip you will experience and don't get confused when you think eachtime get's better and better when you already thought that there can't be any higher ladder to climb - because each time your bond grows harder and stronger like carbon which turns into a diamond - creating a bond which lasts a lifetime. once you found somebody who you experienced something like that with - you shouldn't let that person go because you might never connect to someone to the fullest like that again - setting a strong & special foundation for happiness & peace of mind and soul ▪

- Sarah Jessica


edit: by experiencing the above you give a man the oppertunity to look beyond your sex appeal and keep his subconscious busy with puzzling out the fact why it feels right.. more than ever and why it never looses a single bit of it's mindblowing taste after all. yes, one might say that things you do often become routine quickly and due to that it results in quantity instead of quality - true. the thing is "that" was never something usual - since the beginning respect was given, trust was gained and mixed with something you can call "invisible lemongrass" because you can't really define this special kind of "ingredient" that made you two click - all of that made something one of a kind. so i say no, this isn't something that will become routine... ever.