#6 ladies only - men's pandora's box

 

prometheus brought fire to humanity  -  as punishment for all mankind, zeus ordered hephaistos to build the first woman ever out of mud, pandora, - bringing all kind of plagues upon all of us. it's said that zeus gave pandora a box filled with total punishment and plagues for humanity, and no man on earth should ever open it. however, she did - typical woman - and punishment hit mankind.

that inspired me somehow, because a lot of men see a "relationship box" as some kind of "box of doomness" / "pandora's box" - they get afraid, corner up and back off like we could infect them with death bringing sickness. dear men, please think out of the box and don't underestimate a woman's need before even talking about being in a relationship with a man. yes, we do tend to be emotional whores - but it takes much more than a good looking man who's funny etc to finally make us settle!

because emotional exchange isn't the same as finally "signing the contract" - ok that doesn't sound nice - but you get my point. we might have a huge crush on you and yes we might be emotional and super attached to you, but that's about it. before we consider you to be our partner/boyfriend there are a whole lot of other criteria we are looking out for. it's not like we have a list hanging in our bathroom and we checkmark every feature of you, don't be paranoid. ok i admit that it's somehow confusing for men because they tend to categories our emotional attachment as a desperate need for tying them down and make them settle. but no, that's definitely not the case.

sure, it depends - not every woman has the same needs and some jump into a relationship right away - but i want to show up that it takes much much more for a man to really get a woman hooked for a relationship - ironic isn't it, men try their best to not be "boxed" and corner up their buts, but still they want their piece of cake. society, hollywood and all of that crap make men and women believe that there's nothing worse than being "boxed" - why settle down if you can have fwb?! it's so easy, we can fuck around without having any feelings and committment for one another. FALSE - one is going to develop feelings sooner or later and most of the time it's the lady. but by attempting to get closer to him, giving him his cake each and everytime, you are actually taking steps away from being in a relationship with him. that topic will be followed up later.

men like the chase, the thrill of not getting it the easy way - and they often misunderstand our early attachment or when we admit to have a crush on them - they automatically assume that they could have us with a fingersnap. yes, therefore we get boring for them and we are looked at as a piece of cake - nothing more. but dear men, i assure you that your assume is wrong, dead wrong. of course we invest a lot but we don't just throw that in every man's face - we are very picky - so yes, we consider you as "boyfriend material" BUT and here's the big big but:

before we give you the pleasure of experiencing unconditional and monogamous love,

• YOU need to EARN our trust
• just because we really really dig you, doesn't mean we fully trust you
• YOU need to be RELIABLE
• last minute plans, not writing back for hours/days, not picking up calls is not about being reliable
• YOU need to show that you are NOT one of those FLIRTY DOUCHBAGS - see my other post
• instantly giving away your attention to other girls is not nice, you think we don't get it? if you need to get so much attention from others then you just shot yourself off from our "potencial list" and it will take a lot of involvement from your side to gain back our precious trust
• YOU need to show us emotional STRENGTH
• no, emotional strength isn't cornering up, whining about feeling pressured and stuff. man up
•  YOU need to invest your TIME in communication
• no, if you sporadicly respond to us and don't give a shit to really spend time with us and get to know us - then no, you are not considered as good enough
• YOU need to keep your HANDS in place
• you might get to kiss us and get intimate with us to a specific point, but if you get impatient about finally getting to bed - then you just add another big ass minus point on our list
• YOU need to be emotional CAPABLE
• if you show us again and again that you are far away of being capable of a lady's emotional need of exchanging it, then don't even think that we put our trust in you. because we can smell that you'll leave us alone when we need you the most
• YOU need to convince us that you are not a filthy liar
• we will acknowledge a lot of your lies, still we won't say a thing - giving you the chance to do it right. if you start lying to us then you'll denie it anyway, no sense in calling you out on them

honestly, we could have a huge ass crush on you - we could even say "i love you" after months, but still we are not insane enough to jump into a relationship with you UNTIL you prove that you are worth it. being in a relationship means that we have trust and faith in you, knowing that we don't need to be worried about you hooking up other girls etc, knowing that you'll be by our side when we need you, knowing that you care enough about us to not lie in our face - we are emotional whores and we are stupid to still love you after all - but no, that's not enough for us to settle with you.

so please stop thinking of yourself as godlike ones, we aren't bunnies, ceps or anything you could EASILY have - it's a privilege  for YOU if we choose you to be our one and only partner. we could be as sweet as sugarcoat, making you feel adored - but trust me you haven't seen half of what awaits the lucky man who'll get chosen - so get ur finger out of your lazy emotional ass and don't count ur chickens before they're hatched. involving ourself into a relationship with you, giving you even more of us - that takes a real man, who stands his ground, proves emotional strength and perseverance to date us long enough. but a minus point for us women: because we are emotional whores, men get lazy and take all of our involvement for granted and therefor we aren't a challenge anymore. if they only knew that it takes so so so much more and just because we stick around for months - making ourself look stupid and desperate - doesn't mean that they could have us in an instant. while treating you with angel's patient we def "note" every single nasty behavior of yours, still hoping you'd change and stop being so stupid - misunderstood as waiting around for YOU to settle down for US - but trust me, it's the other way round. we are just too forgiving, giving and hopeful - one could say it's our own fault if men string us along, crushing our hearts without feeling bad at all.

i'm just thinking that there is a misunderstanding that misleads men to think that we are no challenge because we get involved emotionally quicker - that's def not the case, we just give you too many chances to prove us your strong emotional masculine traits. well, just means show us that u have balls nd don't just bark like a frightened dog. date us long enough, invest yourself, earn our trust, show us that you are mature enough to be monogamous without feeling caged, and THEN we consider you as good bf material. man up nd stop thinking you are a topshot hunter - it's a lady's choice to whom she gives the privilege and damn she knows exactly what to look for eventhough she might give you too many chances. until she kicks your but out of her eyesight because you just don't get it. man up and learn how to stop playing games - a real man just needs to be ambitious, both of life AND work. a gentleman can always turn the table if he didn't fully screw up - but there is the separation from the wheat and the chaff - most men don't have the courage to admit own stupid behavior and kindly ask for a last chance to prove all of their qualities, after he realized that emotional involvement doesn't mean that he could have us "boxed" in an instant.you have a long way to go mister, try to take me out for dinner with your granted attidtude once more - i fucking cancel it until you appreciate my precious time enough to keep asking me out.

there is nothing you have to be afraid of, i know that a man's heart is often times more fragile than a woman's heart - but still, a solar eclipse doesn't come long that often, don't be a dick by missing it because you think it will reappear tomorrow - it won't, unless you get ur ass up and travel after it.

edit 05/06/2013: no, even if you think you could live twice - we live our life right now - once! and that mofu solar eclipse won't come again in this life if you let it pass by - good luck

#2 ladies only - back off and let him be a man

edit 04/12/2013: yeh my mother teresa complex got me all fooled up. there is just a simple simple simple and undeniable reason why men don't txt - because they lack interest in you. punkt. move on because he didn't care enough about you and that you are waiting on a response - even if it's important to you - that shows enough about his serious interest in you. you are a back up plan he can pull back when he feels like, not when YOU feel like. let him be happy because he is probably a nice guy... just not very nice with you. keep nice moments you both had in mind and move on.

Our gender is usually more into communication - nothing new huh? How often do i hear this common complaint "he doesn't text back that much" or "why does it take hours for him to answer or even days" yada yada yada - yeh and i can count myself for gettin headaches from overthinking this annoying male behavior - trying to figure out why.

And no, this post is not about setting up some stupid, overrated "chasing game" plan - i honestly think it's stupid and somehow pathetic - i know there are some super popular "dating advice" books out there, telling women how to play the game etc and they might help, i don't know because i don't read those - heard a lot but i never bought one of these. i don't say that you shouldn't stick to (hm trying to find the right word) "rules" of proper courting, but don't get lost in those weird "don't reply for 3 days" or "if he calls, don't asnwer the phone" shit. of course everybody is more or less busy, i understand, but don't use these weird rules on purpose. i honestly don't know if men make use of these equally as women do, but however i think that sucks.

today we use a ton of different ways of communication - mostly via sms or text apps like "whatsapp" which indeed has a big downside - we get transparent for everyone else. yeh don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about, we've all been there - checking our crush's last online activity in whatsapp or whatever media you use. it can be amusing to some point but it can also drive you nuts when you see that he's been online at least 10-15 times a day without answering one of your god damn texts.

however i have to admit that women in general and i'm also one of those, text a lot.. like a lot!!! we unintentionally spam our desired man with too much of daily, emotional or whatever ish - of course with the expectation for them to write back. it can make us look needy, desperate or whatever. for me, when i text a lot then i care a lot - a text can fulfill many purposes, setting up dates, chatting about daily stuff etc - for me it's kind of a way to let somebody know that i have him on my mind. and although i am a little hypercommunicative, i learned to back off - to stop initiating contact every god damn day.

why? because i clearly stated my interest a thousand times by contacting first via text or call after a few days of silence. it's true i might be over the top with communication, that's just how i am and how i show some kind of affection but by doing so i take away a man's primary courting instinct: curiosity.
it's like serving him a meal he didn't ask for, can be nice but it can be hella annoying or boring the shit out of him. there's no need to miss or be curious about something when it gets served every day - nor is there a need to put in effort when you get it for free everytime. worst of all he might start to take you & your effort for granted - therefor no need for him to change his behavior.

keep in mind, they are not our boyfriends - so why do we always expect so much from them that goes beyond the "dating zone"? whatever the answer might be - we should stop. maybe he's too busy (ok no one is too busy to not text back within 2 days) or he simply texts other girls (he's free to do so when he's single, although i like to focus on one person at a time - so therefor it would hurt me) or he simply doesn't feel like texting you - whatever it is there's nothing for us to change that.

to be honest it makes me feel bad, it upsets me somehow and most of all it makes me feel unappreciated and disrespected. but on the other hand i try to let go, be patient, understanding and don't interpret too much - so backing off for a few days is my way of showing respect for his private life and need for space. not knowing if he actually acknowledges this as paying respect to him.

however, i try to bring this whole thing to a point

• stop texting too much
• don't write "essays" - that will kill his interest and he lacks time nd interest to read all of it anyway
• if he doesn't reply within hours or even days - back off
• if you called him and he didn't call back - back off
• if he replys then write back, without using stupid "double of his time" rules - but keep it simple
• learn to use texting as a media to set up dates, quick and simple
• learn to let go of the idea to show affection via text - safe that up for "real" time together
• let the effort be equally on both sides
• texting shouldn't be your main communication - calls/meetings are way better!
• let him pursue you, let him miss you
• jesus stop liking every god damn picture on his IG or FB

I think there is a simple thing to say about all the texting ish - let it be equal! If he texts you a lot then you should text back with the same effort, when he calls you make the same effort and call him first the next time, if he doesn't give a shit to write you then you should do the same, if he never picked up a call or called back then just simply don't give a fuck and let him be, if he asked you out for dinner/movies etc then ask him out another time. women need to learn to stop showing too much effort via txting without recieving anything equal back and at the same time to put down wrong expectations like "a man needs to make the first move with everything". 

today's world is superficial enough - go back to basics, text/call to set up a date, put down texting as your main communication and focus on quality time together, wether it be just hanging out a little or go out for a walk by a lake - just put your damn phone aside and live life where it takes place, and that's not in your phone! so as we realize this for ourself, we have the ability to safe up our effort for more meaningful things - showing affection and thoughtfulness in a different way - when we actually meet the people we like.

allow him to fulfill his natural male role of being the pursuer - let him take the lead and when he does then go with it and appreciate his effort. stop chasing it - instead be patient while going after other things in life. you will sense out if the wait will be worth it or not, but overthinking is a waste of your precious mind capacity.

a man who wants you will get back to you - just like the saying "let it go and if it returns, it's yours"
although i love to recieve texts and although i'm very impatient - i learned to adapt. good for me i guess...

#4 inspired post

▪ don’t we all experience impatience more or less from time to time? as a kid I used to “freak out” 8 weeks before christmas – today it doesn’t seem to be that much different. example? when I order something and wait for the package to arrive, i’ll be checkin the delivery status 5-10x a day! …. yeh weird I know. makes me laugh my ass off while writing that down and realizing how damn impatient i really am. another example, when I missed the postman and had to wait another day to finally get my order I almost freaked out… ok mostly I won’t show on the outside for everyone to see but my mind was freakin out – super pissed. see how hilarious that is? still that’s how I am – impatient and stubbornly after things i long for. you could also call it being persistent, like i was since back in the days. when I started doin horseback riding (i was 5yrs old) and it was about christmas time – you could bet that my biggest wish I wrote down on my wishlist on top was to have my own horse. sweet huh? is it still sweet when I did that every damn year until i was 13? (yeh I believed in santa clause until I was 13) i wasn’t only wishing for it, I even calculated costs etc and attached it to my wishlist. that’s totally weird isn’t it? same as with my father, after he left us when I was 13 and completely changed into something I don’t have words for – from that day… til now… makes 10 years… i’m still waiting for him to bring a little bit of goodwill and warmth back into his heart. i never gave up believing in his honest and good heart, even it cost me half of my own heart till now – it makes me suffer from inside, still I’m waiting. call it stupid, weird or naïve – i don’t care because I can see that there is a tiny bit left, even if there’s something like a huge shadow over that lil light.

What I try to say is that i am really… and i mean really really impatient but at the same time I can bring up a huge amount of persistence – isn’t that totally conflicting?!?! how can you be so impatient but at the same time you are able to bring up YEARS of persistence? i honestly don’t know the answer 100% it’s just a slight guess i have in my head – honestly i never really thought about the why and how until now. my girl bff asked me once how I could be so willing to wait, invest all of my nerves, time and let’s call it strength into something where the outcome isn’t guaranteed at all - why even believe in goodness till the very end? well you might say i do it because it’s my own father or because i was a kid back then or maybe you think i’m just plain stupid.

I put myself, or i should say fate (fuck coincidence i don’t believe in that crap) put me into a certain situation with a certain person – let’s call him mr. big (oh i like that pseudonym – i’m cheesy i know). this “situation”, “thing” or whatever it is, claims every single tiny bit of persistence, patience (which i don’t have) and faith from me, to the point where i find myself debating with my own thoughts & fears. i ain’t talking about days or weeks – nope. i could easily move on right? putting mr. big on the left side together with my fears, hesitations, rejections and feelings and just simply walk on swinging my damn nice ass from side to side and look out for something easier! but i don’t – and i won’t. and that has nothing to do with the thrill of hunting – i’m not a hunter and i don’t see any sense of hunting after a person’s affection. no it’s my intuition which comes from the heart that tells me to stay. i like to differ between intuition from the heart and my analytical mind. my analytical and cautious mind tells me to run – “if he doesn’t take it a step further after all this time and get’s official with you, then you shouldn’t waste time. he’ll fall for a better, sexier and whatever kind of girl, not for you stupido. how could you ever thought about being good enough for him?!” – yeh harsh thoughts right? funny how my intuition shouts back “stupid mind, shut the fuck up, sit back and let me take over – i can sense things you’d never be able to see or understand. i got caught for a reason”. yes, and this specific reason causes me to stay, wait and yes learn – i learned that eventhough it’s nice to get what you want asap that there are certain things that can’t be achieved within short time because some things in life will only reveal their beautiful worth to those who are willing to wait and willing to stick through highs and lows! i don't like to call it a test, but somehow it is a test - why should you settle for anything thats too impatient, too unwilling, to stubborn, too egocentric and too unstable - or even becomes ugly bitchy when things go "wrong"?  you can't figure that out within weeks or even days!

rom wasn’t built in a day either, right?

did the romans know if their wonderful rom would be destroyed anytime soon, just after finishing it? no.

did the romans know how long rom would exist in the future? no.

nevertheless, they built their city with a lot of care, patience and persistence – instead of rushing over every brick – quality takes time and so does love. so after analyzing that it’s crystal clear why i stick around my mr. big – because i love to do so and because i know that whatever might come will be worth all of it. never brought up so much patience, faith and persistence for anybody who isn’t a part of my family!!!!! like never! different kind of coming closer to eachother but you know me… i like “different”. don’t underestimate a slow process, if you take a closer look you’ll see that it’s glued… like super glued – won’t make bricks fall off easily. i don’t think he notices it himself, but his eyes, mimic and gesture tell me a long story - i've never seen someone like him before, he fascinates me like no one else. weird how he claims himself as the most impatient person ever – when in fact we both are equally impatient and still we bring up the same amount of persistence. oh man – i love “weird” and we are def doing weird things. but most important of all – and that’s the difference between bringing up energy for something unworthy and worthy as he is - it brings happiness. that’s all that matters.

so eventhough my mind shakes me a bit from time to time, fearing the unknown destination - my intuition sticks around and tells me to just go with the flow and see what happens :) however... i learned a lot, so i'll never regret that - happy & lucky girl because "this" indeed reveals more each time, giving me things back you can't buy ▪ 

- Sarah Jessica