#happy new year

let me say hi with a big fat smile

2014 had a lot in store for me - had shitloads of drama - had shitloads of confusion - had shitloads of lessons learned - had shitloads of tears - had shitloads of reasons to look forward to enter 2015.

it would be damn easy to fingerpoint now but i refuse - that's part of my strive to be a better woman. i don't fuss around with problems any longer, i bring solutions and a "i can do everything fuck yeh" attitude. and it brought me pretty far by now and we only have january 31! handled a lot of administration ish, emotional ish and also personal ish in the last weeks and months. i didn't sit down and thought about resolutions, i sat down and thought "being aware of your problems is the first step, facing them is the second, embracing them is the third step as you let them go in the fourth step"

i am not going to talk shit pretty, i hit the bottom pretty hard, i got hurt in a very bad way and i struggled with myself. but and that's the most important point now, the moment i felt the dirt underneath my fingers, smelled devastation around me and looked into the eyes of resentment - i simply stood up with all my aquarius "fuck that i do whatever i want to do" attitude and walked away. 

walking away won't solve your problems, that's a fact. but if you brought so many possible solutions to the table and there is simply no way out then just choose to not make this your battle and yes, it is easy when you finally realize how precious you are and how precious your time and energy is. people walk out of your life for a reason, let them, by now 3 months went by since then and i'm happy and thankful for it. it was one of the best things that could have happened to me to be honest.

i really solved one of the most common issues people face - avoiding the look in the mirror of your soul - i did and it wasn't all that pretty. but this way i realized that this motherfucking mirror had a crack, started from the bottom and up to the top. did i fix it? nah i smashed it into billion pieces, i don't want nor do i need a broken mirror, i simply get a new one and start off clean and the way i want to. i do keep the broken pieces though, as a reminder of what i don't want to experience ever again. but what i am facing everyday now is a new one, a mirror i clean and appreciate. i keep it safe because this mirror shows my values, my believes, my goals, my fears and my motivations.

this doesn't mean i'm on my way to perfection - fuck perfection - i'm on the way to a truer me and i'm getting closer and closer each day, with each obstacle, with each mistake, with each lesson learned, with each smile, with each bit of love. i evolve and so should you. feels great. hello 2015

#20 ladies only - stupid and stupid match great

ok before i can't stop shaking my head and rolling my damn eyes until they stay that way and i end up looking like a retard - let me quote robyn's lyrics from her song "indestructible"

And I never was smart with love

I let the bad ones in and the good ones go

But I'm gonna love you like I've never been hurt before

I'm gonna love you like I'm indestructible

Your love is ultra magnetic and

it's taking over

This is hardcore

Ooh and I'm gonna love you like

Like I've never been hurt before

ehm no girl, this isn't hardcore this is deep down stupidity which reaches the core of your pussy and unfortunetely not your brain - oh wait sorry, robyn was right. this is ultra hardcore - hardcore stupidity which deserves a hardcore slap in yo vajayjay to wake you up from this pink pony fairytale shit trip you're on.

couldn't resist to use this meme generator muhaha

i know your new crush or your new boyfriend is super exciting and you go nuts whenever you see him, almost throwing your panties after him and praising him like he's a fucking adonis with his magic stick. new person, new love, new chances - i get it - but how come so many women who are new in a relationship let down their boundaries and allow the relationship to fail just because they let themselves get blinded by hormones or their itchy vajayjay? suddenly starting to doubt that he's not all about that good boyfriend-material shit, you thought he was in the beginning. they don't change over night, it's because you let them!

why? because you don't use your gained experiences from the past relationships, because you roll in like a toddler on his trycycle for the first time although you know that when you don't set boundaries and be careful it's doomed to fail, bullshitting yourself that he'll stay this courteous, charming, helping and generous as he is now - just because it's all new, exciting, romantic, cheesy and you are way too busy being in love with him. you experienced hurt from your past relationships for a reason and the reason is def not to experience the same shit again because you make it too damn easy for him to bend your boundaries and put you into a role you aren't comfortable in. men get used to routines pretty fast and as long as you don't change things, it's your own fault. why blame him for bending your boundaries? yeh it's hard and yeh it might come over as unfair but men should be man enough to prove themselves without whining how unfair it is that you don't throw your trust after them. trust is earned - because trust is one of the most valuable things in a relationship, you can't just throw it after him girl. but let me say that i'm very proud of my fellow superwomen who also chose to allow themselves to expect, you are on the right way. eventhough it means you turn down many so called "chances" ppfffff if they were real chances they'd measure up to your requirements. so don't be sad and don't get frustrated - you reached a point many women didn't reach yet. it will get better and it will be worth it, i promise.

you might have been hurt before, you might have been lied to before, you might have been cheated on before - so why the fuck should you love him like you've never been hurt before? oh he's not like that bla bla no he's different bla bla - let him prove! that would be blind, naive and plain stupid. you know i'm all about this cute romantic stuff but at the same time i keep my boundaries and principles. i don't drown my boyfriend with love or trust and whipe his ass all the way up so he feels mothered, because no - i'm not his mother, i'm his girlfriend. he knows exactly what i expect from him because i let him know, he knows that my trust and love is earned and not given freely - that's why he holds up his efforts which are genuine.  if he wasn't in for the homerun he'd be swinging his bat half assed with half assed efforts and i'd be gone in no time.

there is no secret or so - it's simple. don't be afraid to be alone - because if you are then you get desperate, easy to bend, easy to use, easy to replace - and no, you don't want that. learn from mistakes and hold your head up, no need to feel ashamed as long as you are willing to accept them and learn from them. men aren't that bad, who do you want to blame - the sheep for opening the door instead of keeping it closed or the wolf for walking through the open door? keep your memories close at hand because that way you won't make the same mistakes twice.

#19 ladies only - emotionally stripping

pic/quote by thecrazytruth.tumblr.com

people look better with their clothes on, that way you can accentuate your favorite features as a nice decolté, a nice waist or nice legs - however using clothes or accessories as a tool to cover, push or underline is the same as wearing a wall around your heart and mind. are you able to fully undress yourself infront of someone you don't know that long, someone newer in your life or even someone who you know for years? are you able to fully let down your defence and become vulnurable?

defining letting down is relative, i'm talking about exposing yourself 100%, knowing you could get hit on any place, especially your heart. but how are you able to progress, to rise above superficialty if you hide in your safe zone? we find many excuses to play hide and seek - i don't want to stress him, i don't want to bother him, i don't want him to turn away from me. laying bare your inner thoughts, fears, wishes and worries is hard, i know. some of you made more or less hurtful experiences in the past, bitter rejection, foolish illusions which faded into far catched unfulfilled dreams, harsh critism, cruel judgement, getting thrown away and replaced like a broken piece of a machine. that's what holds you back from undressing mentally and emotionally again because you did it once.

yeh some of us experienced such stuff more or less and depending on our emotional state we carry those wounds for a longer time and any hints on going through the same feels like pouring 1kg salt into our wound and rubbing that shit in. fear and insecurity crawls in our mind and takes over if we allow it to. i'm not one of those women myself who walk through life with their nose up high thinking they're the next american top model - i know i have charisma, i know i have something about me, i know i have the right curves - a lot of people see me as a very confident woman but honestly i'm not aware of coming over as that. because my mind is invaded by those nasty insecurites, i'm quick to compare myself to others and i'm quick to pull myself down. but i'm doing better by now because i love myself by now.

oh size 0? sorry, i don't have that i'm a size 38 (european) and i like my feminine grown body that clearly doesn't look like a body of a 14yr old. oh 50kg? sorry i don't have that i'm 63kg. oh you were always skinny? sorry, i was always a little thicker than other kids since elementary school. oh you go to gym 24/7 and do pilates for your apple ass? sorry, i don't do that, i don't have an ass like an apple because you can't grab my ass with one hand only - you need both. oh you wear that wonderbra from VS and your boobs look like grenades? sorry, i don't wear wonderbras because my boobs are bombs, not grenades. i'm a grown woman and i'm 23yrs old and i have no intention to look like a teenager.

but i'll never allow myself again to lose focus on my looks and health, because even feelings have boundaries and before deepest love comes along, those feelings are superficial and looks are deceiving. so remind yourself from time to time to love yourself, to love what god gave you and make healthy food and a balanced workout your priority. maybe you'll find someone who love you for yourself, for your inner beauty - maybe someone who can put down his own superficial blindfold and actually see you and won't try to shape you into what he desires sexually. because true love and therefor purest intimate sexuality comes from the heart. lusty sex can't hold it against sex out of love. but that takes time, takes effort, takes feelings, takes gut to fully undress so you are able to have sex on that high emotional level - because as long as you have one of your clothes on, you know you aren't there yet.

#17 ladies only - the pussy curse

it's real, it's everywhere, it is or was in you and me - like a frikkin apple allergy that gets your throat swollen as soon as you eat from the forbidden apple. you know it and you'll do it over and over again until you suffocate from that motherfucker.

i know many women who are or were in this fucked up situation - like poison it infiltrates their mind and pussy takes the lead without any common sense. selfworth, selfrespect, dignity? what's that?! can you eat that shit? oh girl... ask your bff to slap you real hard or eat that apple nd suffocate. i know how it is, no matter who tells you that you are out of your mind, that you should stop bla bla bla you simply won't because you didn't crash hard enough by now or didn't find someone better.

sounds hard huh? but there are just two possibilities: crash so hard that your pussy gets knocked out nd your common sense takes back the lead or mr right aka mr better smashes you sideways with his amazing self so all you can and want to see is him. otherwise you are doomed to be a slave of your own lusty foolish pussy and she'll whisper with sweet promises that mr wrong will change. you look at him like he's mr adonis with a white horse but in reality you are looking at a damn frog with a crappy gray pony - grab that sucker nd smash it against the wall - nooooo, better, drop him from a cliff and sing "bye bye bye oh you damn fucktard aha aha i like iiiiiit aha aha fuck yoouuuhhuuu" *nsync style*

i had a long nd hard time to realize that this apple doesn't do me any good nd all it wants is to get devoured nd suffocate me - i crashed so hard that you could scratch me off the floor but that's how i learned to let go nd dictated my pussy where it belongs - down there nd not in my head. so in conclusion: you'll stay pussy cursed until you release yourself or get released - until then, have fun, crash hard - but the day will come soon enough when you wake up and realize. so don't worry too much and don't bash yourself too much because everyone else is fingerpointing.

trust me, as soon as you master this step - wether you made it on your own or mr best released your poor pussy - and mr fucktard comes back - and oh he will because it's his game that he's running with you - satisfaction will be sooooo big that you want to jerk off 10 times. same here, mr big returned with a txt last night nd i whipped it off my shoulder like a boss... took me over half a year to be as tough as i am now - told him to stop txting me cuz it's over.

#16 ladies only - ps: zip code venus

what is it that reassures you that you know me, that you know every little move, every little respond of my mind? it's meaningless, it's pointless, it's irrational - because you were wrong. i was wrong, we were wrong, they were wrong.

you can bet all u got that after the 60th second it all starts with the first second of the next minute - and I bet in insanity that i didn't want to be in a relationship weeks ago. i was there, talkin loudly to myself, cheeky smile... oh we know that look in our eyes when we release our inner rebel or maybe you know her by the name inner bitch. like a fox, just right before we go and kill that chicken we sit there, with a grin from ear to ear... knowing we are about to do something.

i was so sure that all i wanted was to run free, to run out of breath, out of sanity - just so i can lay on that floor and say "i'm single, i'm free, now fuck off and let me be me" - i was so in mind madness to the point that just a little word, just a little something could cause me to burst out like godzilla - i felt cornered, cornered in a situation i didn't like to be in with this person. but here we go with our lessons learned "unhappy? fine. change it. or shut the fuck up".

oh life, i get you, what a funny motherfucker you are - i was on my own free run, living that "i do whatever i want to nd there's nothing u can say or do about it" and to all of you lusty suckers, no, it's not about hooking up - it's just about leaving home, going out, getting lost, freaking out and going home whenever i wanted to, without obeying my inner mum teresa to text some people i actually didn't wan to txt. mean bitch huh? i wasn't interested in men at all.

as you can see - it applies to both men and women in almost the same way - if we don't want a relationship then it's because we don't want to be in a relationship with you. think about it the next time when you hear a guy say "i'm not ready for a relationship bla bla i need time bla bla" aaaaah shoot yourself please, move on girl, it's a waste of time if you wait and wait and wait for someone who doesn't want you! they might take you as appetizer, until the main course gets served and you my dear aren't the main course.

we definitely live in another city, with another zip code - zip code venus - but we are from the same planet. but whatever we do, we do it with honesty. if you hurt, then hurt with honesty and not with lies. if you leave, leave in one motion and not halfassed. all or nothing. black or white. that's what sets us apart from fucked up douchebags.

#13 ladies only - beware of dick confidence

pic by comicbookbrain.com / txt by IVLG

a man with a bag full of money will gamble way harder than a guy who's almost broke - why should he carefully rethink every step he makes, if he loses he'll have enough $ to buy in the next round and so on until he's broke. the guy with less money won't risk much, he has too much to lose, maybe he's an adrinaline freak and will gamble even harder - hm....naaaah he'll play on the safe side.

guy with dick confidence:

he has stunning charisma, his grin is pasted into his handsome face with this attentive and challenging look in his eyes... they will remind you of a little boy who's shy but curious, nervous at times... a man whose eyes  can't look any softer and whose eyes which can't look any lustier at times, his facial expressions are always on point, magically matching his words and his smile, even in dim light you'll recognize his face out of 1000 others, the way his lips form while he talks, hypnotizing you with every word, his kisses always taste the same getting you hooked on those damn menthol candies he buys, he dresses in a different way, he smells to die for... no 0815 perfume, a rare significant one.. he choses a scent which fits him head to toe like it was made for him - everything about him is unique like you rarely have seen it before, his selfexpression is all over his body - he talks the talk, his words never match up to clichees - no he's smarter than that - he lures you in on a mental level, rapes your mind  and as soon as he's inside you, you experience a "stockholm syndrome" you fall in love with your kidnapper. whenever you enter a room where he is, no matter how crowded you'll ironically find the way to eachother everytime, as soon as your eyes meet the room will be on fire burning everything around you down when you stand in front of eachother - one look, one slight smile and you have his meth halfway in your veins - no turning back, no escaping from his lusty claws with his fangs deep in your jugular vein. he'll make you believe he invented kissing & sex, yeh holla at trey - best fit on your lips making you think they were made for eachother, no ordinary shit here, the sicker the better, he makes you his sex kitten.. making you purrrrr when he just looks at you, making you wear your lingerie hours after sex so you have his smell on you, he gets your mind pregnant - full of himself and millions of memories which flash right infront of your eyes whenever smething reminds you of him - smells, touches, kisses, eye to eye, rise and falls, smashing anger, sweetest lullabies.

he is a lion in disguise of a sheep and a lion is never satisfied - after he made you his own sex kitten and impregnated your mind and heart his dick confidence is on a peak - he's the man who devoured you completely, who made you forget about any other men, he got the jackpot without investing a penny - and he's ready to size up his harem - meaning he won't have that much time for you. he'll be juggling you with a new mistress so he'll disappear and you'll see his ass maybe once in two weeks - he needs to keep you hooked - like a crack junkie you'll be starving for your next shot of strokes - blowing away any last bits of common sense, so you stick around again and again - waiting for your personal titel to be upgraded.

he's on ego crack while you are on passion crack, he plays with you, he breaks you - "put it apart put it together again" - that's his game he's hooked on. to make his own dick confidence grow bigger than before he'll suck out the last drop of blood you have left, break your heart, leave you behind - just to come back over and over again when some time has past - proving himself that he can mindfuck you again whenever he feels like, as long as he wants to as hard as he wants to.. knowing you starve for the talks, his kisses nd touch - this is the ultimate dick confidence jerk off.

dick confidence is behold to men with "a bag full of money"  aka with girls standing in line infront of his door - that's why he can afford to play his cards to the fullest - if you jump off, there still will be other girls he can devour.

other guys who don't have dick confidence are simply those who don't have 10 other girls standing in line - that's why they don't play such pathetic games. they play in a totally different league - they might swing that bat here nd there but they never go for that sick homerun as guys with dick confidence do. they'd be better off growin some ball confidence instead of only focusing on their dicks - everyone can fuck around, being a thoughtful and loving partner requires a brave heart and balls.

remind yourself from time to time that all they want from you is the sick taste of your body - they get high on you like lickin on a psychoactive toad - they come back to you so you can stroke their droopy dick confidence once more. you deserve better.... you know it deep down.

lock the door, shut the lights because otherwise you're not able to see the hunting lion laying in the grass in front of your window - he waits for you to lack attention. pump out the last drop of blood, block your veins - anything that prevents you from getting high on his crack fangs again - that type of mental, passion, love crack he pumps into your veins everytime. tie yourself to a chair with one arm free - pull that gun.... before you decide to run out into his claws - pull tighter and

"shoot" him down through the window with total absence... total silence... total happiness in your life

#11 ladies only - your pipe's worth

ps: hansi i miss you....... mama won't forget you <3

best pipes in town but girls treat them like a theme park? priding themselves sky high how bad they are - fooling themselves that they have the tightest pipe nd THEY fuck men real good?! give me a second to laugh my ass off.- ok CONTENANCE girls! - "he'll remember his best ride ever" ehm.... nope. probably he'll be checking with his doc for some STD once he realizes who he just banged and if he has any common sense. (tip: check yourself the next time, you never know especially when you hand over the keys that easy)

they sell themselves like cheap replicas - on the outside a bangin new audi nd on the inside a fucked up wack lancia with 900.000 km on the tacho, kebap nd burger stains, broken camshafts and a smokin pipe, yeh smokin from all that bullshit they pride themselves with  - so bad huh?

your pipe should match your package - you can be the whole package including parking system, smooth coniacian leather seats, sickest board computer, bang nd olufsen sound system and some nice rims. who wants a ferrari with 900.000 km which was handed over from one dirty fucker to the next dirty fucker - your worth decreases and decreases eachtime you give away another free ride with your pipe without him having any serious intentions. sure the same applies to men - but our sad society doesn't see "players" with a never ending hit list as less worthy, that's the sad truth - face it. those men will fuck around like there is no tomorrow, thinking once they decide to settle they can still pull diamonds out of the dirty coals - they need to face THEIR sad truth on their own soon enough.

it's foolish to think you can make a man settle with sex, sure he'll smash your ass, tell you how mindblowing good you suck him nd how u are the "sickest"- but will he make you his wifey? probably not - remember, nobody wants a wack nd broke ferrari when he can get a nice slick audi with less km and without those nasty stains - he'll hit you up for a free ride whenever he's bored but won't buy your cheap replica ass.

be picky - even if some girls look out for a fwb - be picky, you should be proud enough and worthy enough  to chose wisely who you invite for a ride. go and ask if you can ride a lambo for free - they'll be checkin you out and roll over the floor "man, you can't ride a lambo just like that" - THAT exact same look you'll be throwing on the next half ass player who tries to hook you up for free. because your pipe isn't a cheap theme park, right?

#9 ladies only - back to basics

today's society changed us ladies - the way we talk, the way we walk, the way we love. i dare to say that we might have lost our ladylike side.

in my opinion every woman should behave proportional to her value - her self esteem- and that should be sky high! i know we've all been there, falling for someone who we thought he was the one - but it failed. what does that tell you? no, don't come up with i'm not attractive/sexy enough - probably he wasn't ready.

a lady's value is expressed by the way she walks, talks and loves - walk like a goddess, talk like a queen and love like venus.

be able to fulfill a man's mental needs, be a woman who knows what's around her, knows where her money comes from, knows how to earn it with her intelligence, give him something to think about - twirl with your mental eyelashes, be mind blowing with your mental wittiness and strength - talk with sweet diplomacy, keep your head were it belongs, up high with grace, let him want to show you his mental value - fascinate him with your beautiful smile that reaches your eyes. keep your humor, talk straight but with discretion, keep your soft look - a look that tries to read his heart and mind, understand him but never lose your ground - stand it - and be kind with your words.

smoking and drinking is nothing "unladylike" if you do it with elegance mixed with a little spice in your eyes, it is absolutely lady like. keep your table manners and hold up your posture, when your feet hit the ground, it demonstrates your grace and value, when you smile it demonstrates your heart's treasure, when you kiss it demonstrates your passion in purity.

if you talk to me, impress my mind with your chivalry, take me on a mental trip with your deep and rich personality, keep me with your daring and brave heart. teach me something, show me the other point of view. make me admire you - before i adore you. undress me with the mental affection i have for you, tease me with your masculine traits, make me vulnerable with your heart's language. be dominant and self assured when you bed talk with me, teach me new passion, show me passion and i'll teach you a new language full of love, desire and happiness. know him better than he knows himself, know his darkest facets and turn them into his brightest.

a man who impresses me first via my mind, conquers me first via my mind and keeps me like a proud king - he shall have it all, if he earns it step by step.

keep up with my passion, show me each time that there aren't any limits, no routine, love me each day like it was the first and last - make me lose my mind, pulling the sheets and scream out my desire for you. hold me like it's the first and last time, make my mind never run out of thirst.

but before we should even think about it - be a lady, be proud, smart, loving, forgiving and brave - mr charming and mr prince will step aside as mr king walks along our way.