#1 ladies only - importance of "filtering"

DISCLAIMER: this post displays my own opinion, I'm open for others though - but if you don't like the crap I'm writing down and you feel like whining around then just get the fuck off my blog. thank you

pic/quote by hplyrikz.tumblr.com

ok first things said, this post reaches out to ladies who are genuinely interested in having a longterm relationship - well the word longterm cringes me though, i'll explain later - and also ladies who get in some kind of dilirium about certain type of men. this interest is more or less present among women, but mostly 8 out of 10 ladies wish for a stable & loving relationship which should even out the way for settling down and raise a family with the love of her life later on. 2 out of 10 are probably confused sluts, repressing their natural feminity and drunk down that shit with overly aggressive/masculine attitudes aKa "i'm so independent and tough - that's the new sexy" (makes me cringe even more) - yeh those "wrecks" will be seen later on: alone, frustrated, out used by countless men, faded - nah u don't wanna be one of those!

important: by saying "settling down, raise a family etc" i mostly mean settling down, because there might be reasons why it's impossible for a couple to raise kids - which might be totally out of their control or they simple don't want kids! so no offence here! but you get my idea about what i'm talkin. that's why i dislike to use the word "longterm" together with relationship in the same sentence - sounds like a contract which will expire after a long time. and yes, i know that nobody can pretend to know what the future brings, but and that's important to me: it labels somehow our attitude and therefor how serious we handle our relationship. I'll write a post about the difference between just being together and settling down.

there is a huge difference between settling down with a man and living in a relationship with a man - don't forget every relationship needs to develop itself to a "settling down" over time but the intensions and motives need to be clear from the beginning - otherwise you will experience the same thing over and over: wasting time on the wrong guys, wondering about their so called "committment problems" or "i'm unsure about what i want in life" although they keep you around, talkin honeytalk and shit like that. bullshit, that doesn't exist! the heartbreaking truth is very simple surprisingly. you're not "wife/settling down" material in his eyes - basta. he leaves his options open and doesn't want to repress his desire to fulfill his masculine need of getting what he wants: attention, ego boosts and physical satisfaction from other women and most of all different women without getting into trouble explaining himself to his gf everytime.

however this post won't go too much into detail about men's committments - it's about filtering out the ones who will string you along for getting easy uncomplicated sex and just to have someone to admire him, boosting his little ego, while not having any serious settling down intensions (with you) at all. there's nothing wrong with being single, if there's no one around who you'd see as "settling down" material either - and i can tell you, men do sense that out within shortest time and so should you! don't underestimate a man's ability to sense out wether or not you are "settling down" material from the very beginning - might be connected with intuition or other body chemistry stuff.

but what's the ugly twin of  "settling down"?  i guess i call it "hang out, make out, stopover, move on, plan b or even plan z" material. that's the harsh reality - face it. still i would like to mention that eventhough you "just" might be "hang out/make out" material that doesn't indicate that he doesn't like you as a person or some sort of "friend with benefits who get a long well" - he surely likes you, but that's it. so don't spin a web of hopes around him. he can still be in a relationship with you and still you aren't "settling down" material, meaning he already knows you aren't the one he want's to settle down with and get happily old together. still, men will stick around until they decide to move on or found somebody who's either "right" material or just more attractive, hotter, better than you - or they just lose interest in you.

"but how the heck do i find out about his true intensions?"

well, it sure depends on your ages - this post isn't ment for 14 or 19yr old puppylovers (you need to find/create yourself first before thinking about settling down with a man - still you can use this post to filter out the boys who just want to get in ur panties!) but it's said that us ladies experience our "high phase/blooming phase" from early/mid to late twenties, meaning if you are around 23yrs old you should def filter out men who waste your time and put you on the blindside for the right ones.

but there's no need to curse men - honestly - no need to drag them through dirt when women contribute so much to their "misarble" situation by putting all their "eggs" in one basket just because of his sweet and trusting words/texts! what i try to tell you is to heavily weight his actions - cause a man's actions will tell you exactly where he sees you. the "getting to know eachother"phase is the most important, because you don't have developed serious feelings for him yet which could cloud your mind. pay attention to his behavior around you, these ones will mostly qualify a keeper: 

• does he act somehow shy/ lil nervous when talking to you (shy little cheeky smiles, eventually he even slightly blushes or shows unintentionally that you affect him in a positive way)
• seems to feel comfortable around you yet he is unsure about what to say (because he wants to say the right things genuinely)
• doesn't try to sleep with you on the first dates/first seeings  (there's a difference between him not trying to sleep with you and him trying to sleep with you and you say no - huge difference! first one is a keeper. important: a mature man won't really committ to you before having sex - committment is something serious, so why doing so when you don't know a 100% what your girl "is about" in bed. think about it, sex plays also a big part in a healthy relationship - quality over quantity! but he will wait some time for you to be ready-  read my other post about it #3 inspired post)
• initiates the very first contact, by himself or via a wingman (last one impresses me more because that somehow proves his interest's authencity and somehow respect to not intimidate me - no matter how shy a man is, if he really wants you he will make sure to get in touch somehow)
• doesn't ask you out for a drink (alcohol)
• doesn't ask you for your number in the beginning of the conversation / or just your number and leaves
• tries to take the conversation to a less crowded place, very soon - instead of dancing with you all night
• keeps a respectful distance between both of you while sitting somewhere etc
• if a first kiss might happen then it will be a shy and intimate one, without lust
• he will apologize and makes sure that he doesn't make u feel uncomfortable with his attempt of closeness
• he will respect you without trying over and over again to do something

so this little list indicates a lot for you to sense out the keeper and the pantie droppers - doesn't guarantee a settling down in the end but it's a damn precious help for you! the more a man is truly interested in you and therefor sees you in his future at least (settling down can't be defined a 100% in the beginning, but he might sense it somehow)- the more will he be concerned about how you see him, that's why he might appear a little insecure around you when in fact he can be a very out going guy with others. why? because other girls weren't "settling down" material in his eyes = he doesn't care in the same way about how they see him as how you see him, because his interest for you is serious. 10 out of 10 times i'd chose the slightly insecure guy over the confident one - you can bet that the confident one is more about boosting his ego nd having a "fun time" without any serious intentions - he simply didn't "feel" you, he might behave in the same way when he finally saw "the one".

it's hard to explain, but you have to somehow sense it out on your own - my advice is just to let actions speak louder than words - not only in the beginning of getting to know eachother, same applies for later on! don't let sweet words cloud your mind and hey, another advice - simply make clear that you aren't about "just sexin" - why because you have self respect and a healthy self esteem. however, every man/woman needs individual time to "test" out their desired "settle down" material but both sense it out from the beginning - so sooner or later a man will ask you out for a date, he will clearly label it as a date! if not then you are "plan b" material and you should move on, either way he will hit the road and so should you, soon before your precious heart falls in love!

that's why i tell you - don't waste your time with these ones - dedicate your most "blooming" phase of your life as a lady to the right one, who's actions speak louder than his words! it's always step by step, but filtering out will safe your precious time.