#happy new year

let me say hi with a big fat smile

2014 had a lot in store for me - had shitloads of drama - had shitloads of confusion - had shitloads of lessons learned - had shitloads of tears - had shitloads of reasons to look forward to enter 2015.

it would be damn easy to fingerpoint now but i refuse - that's part of my strive to be a better woman. i don't fuss around with problems any longer, i bring solutions and a "i can do everything fuck yeh" attitude. and it brought me pretty far by now and we only have january 31! handled a lot of administration ish, emotional ish and also personal ish in the last weeks and months. i didn't sit down and thought about resolutions, i sat down and thought "being aware of your problems is the first step, facing them is the second, embracing them is the third step as you let them go in the fourth step"

i am not going to talk shit pretty, i hit the bottom pretty hard, i got hurt in a very bad way and i struggled with myself. but and that's the most important point now, the moment i felt the dirt underneath my fingers, smelled devastation around me and looked into the eyes of resentment - i simply stood up with all my aquarius "fuck that i do whatever i want to do" attitude and walked away. 

walking away won't solve your problems, that's a fact. but if you brought so many possible solutions to the table and there is simply no way out then just choose to not make this your battle and yes, it is easy when you finally realize how precious you are and how precious your time and energy is. people walk out of your life for a reason, let them, by now 3 months went by since then and i'm happy and thankful for it. it was one of the best things that could have happened to me to be honest.

i really solved one of the most common issues people face - avoiding the look in the mirror of your soul - i did and it wasn't all that pretty. but this way i realized that this motherfucking mirror had a crack, started from the bottom and up to the top. did i fix it? nah i smashed it into billion pieces, i don't want nor do i need a broken mirror, i simply get a new one and start off clean and the way i want to. i do keep the broken pieces though, as a reminder of what i don't want to experience ever again. but what i am facing everyday now is a new one, a mirror i clean and appreciate. i keep it safe because this mirror shows my values, my believes, my goals, my fears and my motivations.

this doesn't mean i'm on my way to perfection - fuck perfection - i'm on the way to a truer me and i'm getting closer and closer each day, with each obstacle, with each mistake, with each lesson learned, with each smile, with each bit of love. i evolve and so should you. feels great. hello 2015