#18 inspired post

what if our heart got so numb that we start caring less if we fail - knowing we'll fail but still we go for it. one more time, one last time and once again - over again until we feel alive. we aren't fools, it would be foolish to think we wouldn't fail and still go for it - but we know better, right? it's not the thrill nor is it an ego boost we are after - our biggest need is to run free, to run 1000 miles at once just so we can lay on the floor all sweaty and breathless, feeling how our heart pumps the last bit of blood through our veins. we are all fine by ourselves, we live independency with every breath we take, with every mile we run - a pointless run isn't it? just to feel alive again, just to release our inner pressure of running free. once more, once again and over again.

a tamer in a cage with a lion without his whip - total fool, right? - living naivete on two feet

life often pressures us to be mature in everything we do, everything we say or think - let a bird out of the cage and it will return sometimes, but after it discovers what freedom really means it will fly for an unknown time - as far as it wants to, wherever it wants to. we pressure ourselves with the expectations of others, because we give them so much power, because we don't want to disappoint because we don't want to hurt because we care more about their feelings than about our own. but we do hurt, by lying about our true needs and feelings just so we can keep up that happy smile one more day - one more day without failing one more day without disappointing. whatever got us to this point, may it be rational or irrational, we didn't chose to get overcome by this sudden rush of rebellion. we try to fight it, starting a rebellion against rebellion - but where do we run, do we run out - out of sanity, out of power, out of cowardice, out of nerves?

where do we go..... i don't know about you but i'm running out

my hair journey: red to honey caramel - step 2 lessen ginger tone with ashblonde dye

1: vibrant red, 2: washed out red / 3: after using color b4 stripper / 4: final result after going over with ashblonde

so after i used color b4 color stripper i got rid from most of my red dye - see older post: "how to strip out hair dye"

i was left with a brassy ginger tone - as expected - to lessen that i used an ashblonde hair dye by garnier olia in "light blonde"

first of all, the new olia hair dye is amazing it smells very nice - not chemical like at all. my hair had to go through a lot and i mean a looooooooot - but after dying my hair with garnier olia it felt soft and healthier than before - not like super smooth healthy - but pretty healthy! i picked such a light tone because i knew that my hair won't turn out that bright - but i needed to pick such a light blonde tone to lessen the red shimmer.

i might lift the color of my fringe since it didn't come out as good as the rest - we'll see. but what i can say till now: WIN!!!!!! baaam

my hair journey: red to honey caramel - step 1 strip out color build-up (no bleaching))

DISCLAIMER: 
i'm not a professional!!! however, if you should be unsure about dying your hair (damaging, chemicals, color result etc) please do NOT do it! consider your professional beauty salon for adivce! all i do is sharing my experiences i made on my own.

before / after using color b4 hair color stripper in extra strength
my red hair was so washed out and just uuughh
i didn't even put on an ashblonde yet!! these are the results i got after stripping out the color!

"no jess, there is no way you can dye your hair in a honey brown tone without bleaching the red shit out of your hair."
"no jess, there is no way you can dye your hair red without bleaching the dark shit shit out of your hair."

l: red washed out / m: after using color b4 stripper / r: final result after going over with ashblonde
read about dying my hair ashblonde to get rid of brassy tones in my nxt post

ehm i always did my research first and experimented with products from the states or uk - and yes, i can and i did! i started off with pitch black hair, had my first attempt at a salon, didn't come out bright red - so i tried it on my own using l'oreal hicolor in "red" and "red hot" and manic panic (vegan hair dye - no harmful chemicals) afterwards for touch ups- check out my older post my hair journey: black/dark to red hair (without pre bleaching) - as it says without prebleaching!

started off with black hair in feb 12

result after visiting a salon - red? ehm nope

see that?! that's fucking red! ah wait what did you say? "you can't dye your hair vibrant red without prebleaching over and over again!" just showing you that a salon isn't the nonplusultra, there are always new or different ways to treat your hair and get results without frying your hair too much. learn to google in an efficient way!

so over here they know shit about color stripping - so here is how it works: (text from http://www.colourb4.com/products/colour-b4-extra )

"Colour B4 shrinks the artificial dye molecules in the hair, enabling you to simply wash them away. What’s more Colour B4 does not touch your natural hair pigment so you are left with the colour which lay beneath your artificial shade. Colour B4 takes you back to your lightest shade. It will return your hair to its natural colour if the artificial hair colour applied is darker than your natural level."

i had so much color build-up from dying it red and using vegan hair dye by manic panic i really believed that it would be impossible to get rid of the red tones in my hair - because dying your hair from red to light brown/blonde is almost impossible because of the nasty red pigments you have to bleach out at least 2x  - yada yada yadaaaaa! i did my research and et voila, by using a color stripper you strip out the build-up hair dye in your hair. i didn't use any random hair stripper i wanted the best and that's from color b4 according to soooo many reviews. and it really works!

 half dry hair after rinsing out everything for 20 minutes and towel drying it

daylight / much lighter (had my hair tied up to a bun that's why they look so messy haha
it won't look that crappy when i straighten them)

i'm not done yet - i'll proceed with putting on an ashblonde to get rid of the brassy tone and a semi-perminent honey hair dye to get my desired hair color. i'll have a cut when i'm done dying my hair.  but the results from using color b4 extra strength are amazing in my opinion - it doesn't contain any ammonia or bleach! your hair does feel a bit dry after you went through the whole process but that's no problem - use a ph neutral shampoo and deep condition it afterwards.

w h a t   y o u   w i l l   n e e d

small plastic mixing bowl*

gloves

application brush*

color b4 hair color remover - i used "extra strength" it's for darker colors or build-up colorations
buy here: http://www.colourb4.com/products

*i apply hair dye using a mixing bowl and an application brush, you can do it however you like to

h o w   t o   u s e

1 - mix A & B together, stirr well and cover section after section on your dry hair - let it proceed for an hour under a shower cap. the hair will proceed better when its heated by your natural body heat.

2 - this step is very important and by all means don't be too lazy to rinse long enough - now you'll rinse out all the product and the shrunken molicules, rinse for about 10 minutes - use a timer so you know when to stop rinsing. rinse rinse rinse and yes.... rinse out your old hair color. say bye bye!! i expected that my hair would "bleed" out the red - but the water was clear while rinsing! that's why - do the recommended 10 minutes!!!

3 - now shampoo your hair with the bottle C - the buffer - this step is also very crucial, the buffer ensures that all the molecules get washed out + it conditions. leave that in for a few minutes and rinse out again -  it's very important that you rinse out for another 10 minutes.

4 - repeat the 3rd step

5 - towel dry your hair first and let it air dry afterwards. deep conditioning is recommended!

good luck!

#2 cooking with lemongrass - asian rabbit & carrots

so what i created is an interesting and easy sweet nd sour marinade which tastes amazing with rabbit! i like to cook with what i have left in the fridge and sometimes i come up with new combos. usually you prepare rabbit by preserving it in buttermilk for 2 days - but you don't have to.

w h a t   y o u   n e e d

rabbit (5 pieces)

3 carrots

1 charlotte
2 garlic cave

butter

olive oil

soy sauce (silver swan, less salty than kikoman)

mushroom sauce

sweet nd sour sauce

tomato paste

salt - pepper - orange pepper - garlic powder - mama sita bbq mix

1 - mix the three sauces with salt , pepper , orange pepper , garlic powder, mama sita bbq mix and tomato paste.surprisingly this sauce combo goes very very very well with rabbit and it came out super tender.

tip: put the meat into a plastic bag and pour over the marinade, close it and start massaging it. way easier and your hands stay clean.

2 - cook the rabbit with charlotte and garlic until it gets a slight brown crust, add carrots. before we put it in oven we pour in 200-300ml boullion. place the pan in the oven for 30 mins - 180/200 degrees.

4 - take the pan out the oven and put the meat aside. add a little butter to the carrots and cook it for another 2-3 mins on the stove with garlic powder or brown suger :) (thanks honey for that tip)

my hair journey: red to honey caramel preview

on to the next one.... although this light brown is more of a spring/summer color, i'll go light this autumn/winter. as usually, i don't give a f!ck about what colors are trending right now, this girl right here always changes, no matter what season we have.

IT'S HAIR JOURNEY TIME

#13 ladies only - beware of dick confidence

pic by comicbookbrain.com / txt by IVLG

a man with a bag full of money will gamble way harder than a guy who's almost broke - why should he carefully rethink every step he makes, if he loses he'll have enough $ to buy in the next round and so on until he's broke. the guy with less money won't risk much, he has too much to lose, maybe he's an adrinaline freak and will gamble even harder - hm....naaaah he'll play on the safe side.

guy with dick confidence:

he has stunning charisma, his grin is pasted into his handsome face with this attentive and challenging look in his eyes... they will remind you of a little boy who's shy but curious, nervous at times... a man whose eyes  can't look any softer and whose eyes which can't look any lustier at times, his facial expressions are always on point, magically matching his words and his smile, even in dim light you'll recognize his face out of 1000 others, the way his lips form while he talks, hypnotizing you with every word, his kisses always taste the same getting you hooked on those damn menthol candies he buys, he dresses in a different way, he smells to die for... no 0815 perfume, a rare significant one.. he choses a scent which fits him head to toe like it was made for him - everything about him is unique like you rarely have seen it before, his selfexpression is all over his body - he talks the talk, his words never match up to clichees - no he's smarter than that - he lures you in on a mental level, rapes your mind  and as soon as he's inside you, you experience a "stockholm syndrome" you fall in love with your kidnapper. whenever you enter a room where he is, no matter how crowded you'll ironically find the way to eachother everytime, as soon as your eyes meet the room will be on fire burning everything around you down when you stand in front of eachother - one look, one slight smile and you have his meth halfway in your veins - no turning back, no escaping from his lusty claws with his fangs deep in your jugular vein. he'll make you believe he invented kissing & sex, yeh holla at trey - best fit on your lips making you think they were made for eachother, no ordinary shit here, the sicker the better, he makes you his sex kitten.. making you purrrrr when he just looks at you, making you wear your lingerie hours after sex so you have his smell on you, he gets your mind pregnant - full of himself and millions of memories which flash right infront of your eyes whenever smething reminds you of him - smells, touches, kisses, eye to eye, rise and falls, smashing anger, sweetest lullabies.

he is a lion in disguise of a sheep and a lion is never satisfied - after he made you his own sex kitten and impregnated your mind and heart his dick confidence is on a peak - he's the man who devoured you completely, who made you forget about any other men, he got the jackpot without investing a penny - and he's ready to size up his harem - meaning he won't have that much time for you. he'll be juggling you with a new mistress so he'll disappear and you'll see his ass maybe once in two weeks - he needs to keep you hooked - like a crack junkie you'll be starving for your next shot of strokes - blowing away any last bits of common sense, so you stick around again and again - waiting for your personal titel to be upgraded.

he's on ego crack while you are on passion crack, he plays with you, he breaks you - "put it apart put it together again" - that's his game he's hooked on. to make his own dick confidence grow bigger than before he'll suck out the last drop of blood you have left, break your heart, leave you behind - just to come back over and over again when some time has past - proving himself that he can mindfuck you again whenever he feels like, as long as he wants to as hard as he wants to.. knowing you starve for the talks, his kisses nd touch - this is the ultimate dick confidence jerk off.

dick confidence is behold to men with "a bag full of money"  aka with girls standing in line infront of his door - that's why he can afford to play his cards to the fullest - if you jump off, there still will be other girls he can devour.

other guys who don't have dick confidence are simply those who don't have 10 other girls standing in line - that's why they don't play such pathetic games. they play in a totally different league - they might swing that bat here nd there but they never go for that sick homerun as guys with dick confidence do. they'd be better off growin some ball confidence instead of only focusing on their dicks - everyone can fuck around, being a thoughtful and loving partner requires a brave heart and balls.

remind yourself from time to time that all they want from you is the sick taste of your body - they get high on you like lickin on a psychoactive toad - they come back to you so you can stroke their droopy dick confidence once more. you deserve better.... you know it deep down.

lock the door, shut the lights because otherwise you're not able to see the hunting lion laying in the grass in front of your window - he waits for you to lack attention. pump out the last drop of blood, block your veins - anything that prevents you from getting high on his crack fangs again - that type of mental, passion, love crack he pumps into your veins everytime. tie yourself to a chair with one arm free - pull that gun.... before you decide to run out into his claws - pull tighter and

"shoot" him down through the window with total absence... total silence... total happiness in your life

#1 cooking with lemongrass - simple pangasius omelette

w h a t   y o u   n e e d

3 pangasius filets with or without skin

3 eggs

2 garlic clove

1/2 charlotte

200 gr brussel sprouts

3 small carrots
butter
olive oil

sea salt - garlic powder - orange pepper - bell pepper - fish seasoning - bouillon - dried thyme - dried dill

(i always prefer fresh herbs, didn't have any this time)

1 - stir the eggs with salt, chopped garlic/charlotte, bell pepper, orange pepper, fish seasoning, thyme and dill.

tip: i'm more generous with sea salt than with regular salt.

2 - pour the stirred eggs into a flat container and let the filets lay in there for a while (ca 30 min). 
after that, pour some olive oil into a pan and heat it up around 7 on the stove (mine goes from 1-9), when it's hot enough put in the fish first and cover it with the rest of the eggs, cook one side for ca 10 min.

put 200ml water into a pot and heat it up around 7/8, add 1 tbsp bouillon (i used veggie bouillon), stir.
put in the broussel sprouts and carrots as soon as the water starts to boil - cover it and let it cook for ca 10 mins. i never look after the time though - always checkin here and there, by time you'll see how it should look like. i like my veggies with some consistency when i eat them, so i wouldn't cook them longer than 12 mins.

tip: use hot water out of the faucet, that way it will boil faster on the stove.
tip: not sure if you can still use the eggs? see if they float if you put them into a full glass with water - if they sink you can cook them.

3 - when the omelette starts to get firm you might try to turn everything - i have to admit that's none of my skills, good looking dishes. so don't stress when you can't turn it in one part - cook for another 10 min.

take the veggies off the stove nd pour out the water, add 2 tbsp butter and season it with garlic powder - back on the stove for 1 min.

tip: place a plate over the pan and carefully turn everything - use a towel to protect your hands, watch out for hot oil that might be drippin out.

i don't know how many calories it has and i don't care since i'm on low carb dishes - enjoy!

#17 inspired post - demanding is key

quote by kingkravate (twitter)

there are different reasons why a lot of us women never experienced an orgasm - i'm not talking about clitoral orgasms, those can be attained within 3 minutes whenever we do ourselves - longer if our partner tries. 

key word - tries

why? no matter how good he thinks he is, every woman has different needs and her body responds differently. a lot of men forget about one thing: mental and emotional stimulation, without them i guess it will be really hard to make her experience a vaginal orgasm. chances to do so are much higher when she feels emotionally attached to you, based on what you have as a foundation and how much you stimulate her mind in general and during sex. but i think the main reason why a lot of women never experienced a vaginal orgasm is because they don't speak up about their needs - they don't dare to demand sexual satisfaction like men do - ok you can moan more or less when he pushes the right buttons but still, why not say what gets you roaring like a lamborghini murciélago v12 engine? why not use this as your own advantage to heat up his desire for you even more?

experiencing an orgasm and chivalry aren't that much different from another! you can wait and expect a lot of a man, but in the end he'll do you way better when you actually speak up about your needs and wishes! you can wait for him to do the first step or wait for him to take you out on a real date, not those half ass suggestions like "what you wanna do" - "hm dunno, you decide it's whatever you want to do" that might sound nice and you think he's just polite, in reality he's just damn lazy.  so instead of waiting around i advise you to read my other post about standing up for yourself - #11 inspired post - those half ass suggestions and half ass efforts we get on a daily basis aren't enough. you have to decide that for yourself, that you won't be satisfied with 50% - 60% or 70% effort - no.

i decided for myself that i deserve an honest, caring and ambitious man - who plans his life with me, around me, together with me.and that's exactly what i demand and i declared my need for that kind of secureness - realize, demand and make progress.

making our needs nd wishes known to a man is directly connected to our fear of rejection - that's why many don't do it. but just think about it, you really want to be with someone who can't handle your needs, who gets scared off, who runs away or corners up like a little pussy? see it as a natural process of filtering - i wrote about the importance of filtering before - in order to sort out time wasters so you are available for the right one. how bad would it be to realize that you missed out the right one because your delusional ass was busy with a lazy time waster who mindfucked your heart? so if you confront a man with your needs, and he runs away - wave after him and shout "thank you" because that way you saved your precious time in the very beginning. now that i learned from it, i don't have any problems dumping the wrong ones within seconds and most important: without regret. how many times did i get weak in the past, how many times was i scared to demand something, how many times did i look past stupid behavior just because i was scared to lose something - nah nah nah lose what? a stupid lazy fucktard who doesn't give a fuck about you?  i ran after a damn time waster for too long - but i guess my stupid ass was lucky because mr right was still there - just like he was before...

try it out and you'll see how things work out better - for both your mental/emotional and sexual needs - don't sugarcoat it, just be straight forward. oh.... i promise you, he'll love to hear about your dirty fantasies - uncensored -  he'll do his best to satisfy you the next time, just how you demand it. same applies for him being a gentleman around you, tell him what you demand and let him fulfill his male role of the provider - providing security, love and pleasure to the lady he loves.