#10 inspired post

quote/pic by dapper_grandiose_fashion (instagram)

first let me say - justin aka dapper_grandiose_fashion (instagram) / king kravate "the neckwear of kings" (fb), i truly love your quotes - they inspire me so so much because they fit like a glove most of the time. thank you very much also for sharing your quotes with me, always a pleasure to "muse" with you. gotta do that again :)

nothing new: life is wicked - life is weird - life is unpredictable - life is amazing - life can make you go coconuts

moving on can be either a healthy, wise or dumb decision we can make - but in every case it's the same: it's hard but i did so. we experience so many things via our mind, our heart, our nerves in our fingers/lips etc everytime we touch or kiss - all of that + all emotions we felt during the past, laughs, giggles, cries, is going to be zipped into a box and is storaged in our memory, we have it storaged both in our conscious and subsconcious mind, so even if you want to let go - it doesn't happen in an instant. sure you can try it my way: playing piano, cook like you are cooking for a queen (yes sweetie, i treat myself like a queen), read a lot of books, doll up for no reason, go out and walk walk walk till you "emptied" out your head (ok, in my case after that my head is fuller than before), do volunteer work at the weekend or just sing out of your heart to your favorite songs (fuck yes i love to sing)! i have to admit that i'm not a person with a douzen friends, there are only very few but that's all i need - i've been always some kind of a loner but i'm happy with it!  i have too many weird thoughts about love, life and our world for many people to understand. although i say, nobody has to understand me - just respect me and if you respect me then you respect my thoughts and my work here.

i'm letting go of something, not for the first time, not for the second time - it's the third time. i never cried though, well if i did so then because i was full with anger and disappointment. but wait, this is not going to be an emo post!! everytime i thought i was getting over the mountain top - "hints" hit me each and everytime just before i could place my foot on the other side of the mountain - but it did in such funny and remarkable ways. i always say i don't believe in coincidence, but even i get creeped out from time to time.

no, it's really not because i'm trying too hard to see something that could remind me - no def not. i'm super aware of things around me and i always notice so many little things all the time. big love for detail

• like two people who see eachother at a party out of nowhere
• a weird weird masquarade party - ehm and no, usually none of us would go there
• a weird small unknown club - ehm no none of us has ever been there before
• yes, that night two people met again, at a unknown weird looner party at a unknown weird club where none of them has ever been to before
• yes, weird words were exchanged that night and yes, contact closure was over
  
•  few days after that party
• i saw a sticker of that damn club, sticking to the doors of a train - which of course stopped right in front of my feet - right in my face... jezzzz
• no, i never saw that sticker before and no, i never saw that sticker again - until now (read below)
• yes, instantly reminded me of that person - THANK YOU aaaaahhh
•  saw him at a party after 2nd break up 
• OF COURSE, i had to see him in every damn corner of that fucking club.
• said hi, of course i have manners, one look at eachother and we laughed - we just can't help it everytime we see eachother again - even after a break up - fucking weird nd nice
• i tried my best to avoid him, didn't even looked at him, turned my back and danced with my girls - of course he was standing 2-3m next to me
• even when i tried to walk away, smokers lounge, he was there!!!! that happend like 3 times, it  freaked me out - went to another corner of the club - he was there!!!!
• few months later - of course we screwed up again, or i might say he did - we broke up again, 3rd time dang this man is blind to see whats in front of him
  .
  6 days after break up - i was looking for a vet to bring my cat
• he popped out in the middle of other vets on google - like what the coconut crack is going on?!
• like seriously?! i'm looking for a god damn vet and he appears on the first page?!
• opening "his" link, leading me to an article about him and yes it made me laugh because it described him exactly as he is: a weird funny sheep - a sheep i can't be mad at. they wrote some things about this sheep, making me understand why i'll never have a bit of place in his life - because he is who he is and that's good. he lives his life to the fullest, no space for love which is sometimes called distraction...
•  2 days after 3rd break up
• was waiting for my train to bern, DIFFERENT PLACE, DIFFERENT TIME and guess which train came along and where it stopped?! right in my face with the same sticker on the same door, opening right in front of my eyes - what's wrong?!
•  few days after that
• movie night at home and better believe that his name popped up 3-4 times in DIFFERENT movies and no his name isn't as common as you might think - i was going nuts
•  as it isn't weird enough, my stepfather has a favorite tv serie, there's a group of guys and yes they call themselves exactly the same (can't go into detail, mr big will go nuts again)
• like this is just giving me chunky cococococooooconuts!!!!!!!!! of course he loves to watch it and everytime i'm home in germany i have to watch it too - father daughter tv tradition! u can bet ur sweet ass that everytime i go nuts
•  so here comes the very best part - even when i go ABROAD
• visiting my family for a weekend - guess who is also in germany - 90km from my frikkin door?! exact same date coming and leaving as i do - yes of couuuuuuuuuuuuurse!!!!!!! 
• germany is sooooo big, maybe 8 times bigger than switzerland - still in switzerland we live so close together, we run into eachother now and then even if it's almost impossible and now even if i travel faaaaaar away (550km) he is just "around the corner" 90km from my door.

i know this sounds so weird and unbelievable - i just know for myself that THIS, whatever it is, is not normal!!!! it upsets me but at the same time it makes me smile - i just can't get rid of that funny ass. although i deleted everything, number etc - i just can't get rid of him and i don't know why

WHY???!!!!

why again? why for the third time? why me? why not? haha - why is it so weird and crazy?! why isn't it like a regular break up? why does he drive me insane even when he's not around? why does he appear together with vets on google?! why does this stupid traindoor always stop right infront of me - i stood at TWO DIFFERENT places! - why? why? why? u have an idea mister?

maybe we two just met under weird/different circumstances, got to know eachother under weird/different circumstances, kiss eachother differently than with anybody else before, look at eachother differently, smile and laugh with eachother differently, have weird, crazy, stupid, nice, different memories together, have weird/different break ups, have weird/different "hints" around us, have weird/different talks about invisible lemongrass, bunnies, forests, champignons and ceps and some dangerous flu that infects you via water which has a super weird name, have weird/different names for eachother "hello, my name is invisible dumpling cep tortoise solar eclipse sunshine, and what's your name? oh nice to meet you mr big sheep lemongrass cloud"

we two are totally different, different from eachother in our looks (he's super tall and so well build - I'm super short and curvy), style, ethnic background, habits - but we have so much in common it's scary sometimes because together we ARE different from others because we click like crazy and when we click then something awesome happens which sets us apart from the rest. no regular ish!