Montag, 9. Dezember 2013
some people collect stamp marks, some people collect cartoon figures and all do it because of different reasons, but maybe they try to capture and keep memories of the past - maybe something they can look at in 15 years and still enjoy having it. i collected many things over the past years, not in a box you'd think of, i kept those things near my heart and my mind - nice things, things to laugh about, random things and yeh.... bad things. it's more of a box packed with a lot of fears and tears - burried my mistakes deep down and tried my best to hide that grave of shame - it will always be a part of me but it's draining - guess that's the price i pay afterwards and it's ok. nobody will ever notice it if you don't allow yourself to leak - but there comes a point in your life when someone with a sledgehammer stands right infront of your box and is willing to destroy that lock that keeps all of your secrets unknown.
you can choose to either stand right in front of it, defending your shameful past just for the sake of not reveiling your ugly side or you can slowly step aside and let him hit hard until it cracks. stepping aside takes a lot of trust in the other person, because you don't know what will happen as soon as he sees the ugly truth about your past. would you still choose to be with yourself when you would have to choose? probably not because you are either way suffocating from your own guilty conscience, it's not an easy choice you have to make. but if you decide to stand there and defend it then you'll have to pay another price and you don't know how high it will be - so how much do you love the other person? enough to step aside? enough to go through shameful moments again in order to build a clean and strong foundation for you two? if you are sure enough that he is the right one for you and you chose to want to be with him, no matter what, and the love you have for him is strong enough - step aside.
ich liebe dich genug um nochmals durch all das zu gehen, damit du gewissheit hast.
Donnerstag, 5. Dezember 2013
she looks fab, she's bad, she pulls men's attention like light does with flies so they buzz around it until they burn, she never runs out of men wanting to be with her (probably for fucking her anyways but that's not the point), she isn't all nicey nicey so she drops her potencial lovers within seconds, she has a cocky attitude , she is a bitch in the eyes of others - why the fuck are men so fascinated by her and keep chasing that bitch when you can't keep a man's attention and effort although you see yourself as every man's blessing? do you find yourself in situations thinking "dude, why can't you see with anything else than your avarage dick and see what kind of wifey-type i am?" probably continuing with "i'm different/my pussy rides cock like no one else/i'm like the creme de la creme/i'm not a basic bitch/etc"
well the difference between you and mrs bitch-who-pulls-more-attention-than-you-and-gets-the-guy is simple: she thinks AND acts like she is a big catch for no man to miss, if he does then she waves a big "get outta my eyeseight dude" sign. it is irrelevant if she is a nice person with a good heart or if she'd be a loving girlfriend who supports her man and cares for him - i bet most of those "successful" maneaters are drop dead wasted souls with no gut at all - BUT and here's what you should learn from those superior bitches: they might be stupid and cocky and all that stuff that would make you give them a high five with a chair but they have boundaries and furthermore they stick to them regardless if mr average knocks on their door or if mr omg-he's-hot does so. they treat every man equal, they don't allow themselves to unleash their inner emotional whore who ruins everything and gives you a free seat to destination "heartbrake", no they keep themselves in check and have clear dating rules.
trust me ladies, i'm the last one who likes cocky, narcissistic, stupid barbie bitches who show off nonstop - looking fab with their makeup 23/7, running around "naked" one hour of the day when they scratch that shit off their faces and look basic just like everyone of us does when we wake up. i dislike women whose minds are dry like the dessert, the only impression they can make is with their perfect outlook and the only concerns they deal with are "where did you get those high heels / omg why isn't my name on the guestlist" - but it's not about what you think of those girls, at the end of the day they attract more potencial lovers than you. don't panic you don't need - and please, really don't consider that - to transform into the next superbitch, you wouldn't feel happy with it in the long run nor your friends or family. no one likes fucked up bitches - not even men - they don't run after their cocky narcissistic asses, they get hooked because those women challenge them, they give them a great possibility to conquer something - men love to conquer! and it's not explicit about how long or how hard the conquest is, it's about "feeling" that there is something to lock down before someone else does because it seems so promising and great. maybe it's just that mysterious thing about those women because they keep those men at armslength emotionally and physically. as i mentioned once, having sex on the first date isn't a complete no go - it's about how you act afterwards.
let's have a seat, grab some icecream or wine - oh did i mention i prefer captain morgan - however, let's start with this overview where i compare mrs basic bitch with mrs bitch-who-gets-the-guy.
initiating via texting (whatsapp/fb/mail/etc)
basic bitch: initiates - texts him first almost every time
alpha wolf: doesn't initiate - texts him back equally to the amount he texts if not even less - isn't glued to the phone waiting for him to text
basic bitch: texts more than he does - continues textshitting him even if he didn't reply to her last text - drowns him with smileys especially if he started sending those stupid heart smileys eventhough he doesn't know her really - texts him essays - texts back asap
alpha wolf: texts him back equally to the amount of his replies - doesn't continue texting when she didn't get a reply - doesn't send any of those emotional smileys - doesn't text essays - texts in a nice short way - doesn't always reply in an instant because she has other things on her mind
he doesn't call / he "disappears" suddenly / he becomes unreliable
basic bitch: texts him from time to time hoping things win back intensity - if he comes back after he didn't write her for a few days/weeks although he was supposed to answer her last text, she replies gladfully in an instant - doesn't question his intentions or why he disappeared without a word - tries to play it cool although she is disappointed somehow
bitch: doesn't run after him - she cuts him off completely because she knows a man who is truly interested won't disappear out of nothing
just to name some differences between a basic bitch and bitch-who-gets-the-guy, i bet we were all in the role of the basic bitch at some time and where did it lead us? it lead me straight to a big heartbrake, to lasting disappointment, trust issues and lasting anger until today haha although i can laugh about it now - but the most important aspect of my big heartbrake: it formed me to a more cautious, more confident, more assertive, more selective woman - i'm like jess 2.0 - don't you think women of that 2.0 type don't get confronted with douchebags, all women get confronted cuz a man can't know in advance by only looking at you that you are now an alpha wolf and not some pink pussy shit anymore. but the main difference here is alpha wolf lady might get confronted but she'll draw the lines of her boundaries faster than that motherfucker can plan out how to get between her legs and pull the famous "hit nd' quit it". let's see it this way it's a win-win situation, she doesn't waste her precious time and nerves and he can move on to an easier prey.
men will knock on your door, no matter if you're a beta kitten or an alpha wolf, because men try, because men often are too lazy to find new pussy, so it's easier to go back to what they already had once or more - but it's your own choice who you let in. remember what you've been through till now, remember those times when you were waiting for him to reply and he simply didn't although he was online non stop (oh i had that situation too), remember those times when he dumped plans with you last minute, remember pain because there is a reason why we feel pain - to safe us from more unnecassary pain, to safe us from making the same mistake twice. i know it's hard for many of us women, but once you become version 2.0 you'll never go back.
it's not about becoming mean - men same as women hate stupid mean antisocial bitches - it's about reconsidering your behavior and learning from your mistakes. learn to draw lines, boundarie lines, around you and your heart - become somewhat of a diva without coming over as mean or cocky. don't be a basic bitch - i don't care if you think you think like a boss, work like a boss and fuck like a boss - that's just a wack try to stand out of the crowd but at the end of the day you weren't able to kick out his stupid ass, you run after him, you give too many chances, you open your legs and his friends know you are an attention whore who gets laid whenever you give that sheep some candy - don't be a sheep that gets fucked by the nasty farmer cuz that's what happens to sheep.
Freitag, 29. November 2013
Mars in Sagittarius
Mars rules our animal instincts for aggression, anger, and survival. Our sexual desires come under the rule of Mars.
People born with Mars in Sagittarius are usually wild cards full of surprises. You never know what kind of tricks they have up their sleeve. They are full of a lot of restless crazy energy. They are extreme adventurers always thirsty to try something new, go somewhere new, explore every aspect of the world. They are also deeply philosophical and always having moral dilemmas. They are a dichotomy. They care very much about doing the right thing, but they also want to be free to do whatever they feel. They usually are full of varied interest. They are never just one thing. They can be very conservative and traditional in one department of their life and an extreme radical in another. They always have an amazing sense of humor though. They understand that laughing at life is the key to enjoying life. They tend to be very lucky people. Their optimism tends to draw opportunities and they’re always happy to try them.
Mars in Sagittarius loves romance. They love having sexual partners to share adventures with. They love having deep philosophical conversations and wild passionate sex. (very very very much nailed how I tick - was lucky enough to experience this once in my life - my best friend can confirm that haha) While Mars is in Sagittarius, he is always ready for an argument and excels at debate. While advocating for a cause is certainly admirable, during this time it is important to think before you speak. After all, the Archer is known for his bluntness, not his manners, and Mars passion is closely associated with Mars anger. Throw in some fiery impatience and you have the perfect recipe for hurt feelings, ruined relationships and perhaps a burned bridge or two. Mars in Sagittarius isn't known for patience. They are restless and adventurous. Physical activity is the best way for them to deal with anger. They always like to be busy, so they are constantly working on many projects all at once. They aren't known for their finished product, however. They get much more excited to begin something new rather than finish something old.
Jupiter in Cancer
Jupiter's position by sign in the natal chart (that is, the sign that Jupiter occupies in the birth chart) reveals how we express our generosity and tolerance. It shows how we go about trusting others and improving our lives.
Jupiter in Cancer individuals attract the most good fortune when they are sympathetic, charitable, use their powers to save and accumulate, and comfort others. Real estate and the food industry can be prosperous avenues. As a Water sign Jupiter, you have a strong belief in a higher power. You are most able to attract luck and rich life experiences to you through your intuition, imagination, and compassion. Helping those in need boosts your own morale. You've got a generous spirit that loves to feed, comfort and make others feel secure. You're gifted at creating a homey feeling wherever you go in the world. You sense the emotional undercurrents of a situation, and know when others are vulnerable. You're ambitious, and follow a path led by your powerful emotions and intuition. Your gifts translate well to deep healing and care; providing homes (from real estate to social work); business, artistic expression, high cuisine and food prep in general, remembering history and family.
Pluto in Scorpio
Pluto represents subconscious forces, ruling all that is "below the surface".
On the up side, Pluto is associated with renewal and rebirth. It represents endings and new beginnings, as well as spiritual growth and rebirth. Negative expression of Pluto is an obsessive desire for power and control and general destructiveness.
Early experiences may have led you to feel self-protective or to be secretive about yourself. A parent might have been secretive or ashamed, for example, and this pattern is deeply ingrained in your psyche. You might feel a sense of guilt for where you came from, even if most of you feels proud of your roots. A parent might have encouraged you to look beyond the surface of matters, and might have encouraged in you a love for psychology. A parent might have been very protective of you and attempted to shield you from negative experiences, and you subsequently grew to fear change. Or, your early experiences might have included a shocking, intense, or scary event that lives within you. Alternatively, you might have absorbed the strong fears or obsessions of a parent. Their emotional courage, deep understanding and the ability to face their own wounds as well as those they have given to others can create a strong person you want on your side.
Juno in Scorpio
Where you find Juno in your chart is where you may meet someone that you will remain with for a long relationship. She covers marriage, fashion and beauty. She is the patron of relationships and true love. Diplomacy is part of her sphere.
Juno in Scorpio needs an intense relationship with a lot of deep intimacy and sex. They may become manipulative and jealous, using sex as a way to control their partner. They want passion, loyalty and strength. They may be possessive, and must learn to trust over time. They like mystery and power. They may be demanding or high maintenance. Once they are won over, they are loyal and dedicated, though they may always be a bit suspicious.
Vesta in Pisces
Vesta brings out your purest potential and Essence into being.
Vesta in Pisces is dedicated to serving those in need. They may sacrifice themselves or show deep compassion in their service. They want to heal others. They hold their beliefs in high regard. They are spiritual and may be led into fantasy. They have an excellent imagination. They may not be sure of how they do what they do. They run the risk of not living in reality. They need to learn to awaken into themselves and connect the body with the mind and the spirit.
Pallas in Aries
Where her influence falls is where you will find talents in the following areas.
With her spotlight on daddy's little girl, Pallas Athena will help determine how you interpret your relationship with your father, and in turn how you treat all males in general.
Pallas Athena in Aries charges in and tries to find the fastest solution. They get the action started for whatever purpose they need. They love competition and battle. They are innovative and inventive. They know how to mobilize the vital energy, whether it is for fighting, inspiration, artistically or for healing. They are pioneers. This is a good combination for artists, acupuncturists, homeopathy practitioners and athletes. Stressful aspects can indicate overly aggressive behavior and conflict with others.
Chiron in Cancer
Everyone gets wounded in some manner. Whatever our wounds are, Chiron influences us to overcome our condition and go on.
Chiron in Cancer may feel like an outsider. They may feel unwanted, un-nurtured and unloved. On the good side, they are very nurturing themselves. It is difficult for them to let others care for them. They may give to everyone except themselves. They may end up taking in every stray that crosses their path. They need to learn to give to themselves and cherish their own needs. This helps balance them and make them whole. Opening themselves up to accept love and care from others is a big step towards healing that inner hurt. If they can learn to indulge themselves once in awhile, they will begin to realize what they have been missing all along.
Donnerstag, 21. November 2013
it's falling down
isn't it peaceful
lingering on my calm mind
oh how calm and cold it is
every flake on my lips
and it tastes like you
tastes like the coldest winter you are now
ain't tastin like the sweetest winter you ever had
licking my lips one last time to taste it once more
ain't tasting like your lips back then
i look up and all i see is how you rainin on me
covering me with sweetest foolish promises
running down my cheeks down to my neck
now stop cuz you ain't good for me
you can't have me one last time
cuz you had me too many last times
snowing down on me
kissing my lips
caressing my face
lingering on my shoulders
oh so calm and promising
don't pull me back cuz there is no us
oh so quiet we turned
oh so right we turned
cuz there will never ever be a you and me
first snow came and as it fell i fell
like i fell for you
over the bridge on my way to paradise
ain't no one told me i was going to hell
what a delightful hell it was
not hot enough anymore to keep me blowin up
as i walk down the road i look up
but now all i see
isn't hell, it's heaven
cuz you not around to mess my head
not around to rain on me
cuz it's snowing and i lick it off once more
but i'm not tasting you
got myself hooked on something better
smart ass got me hooked on different love
i leave those footprints in the snow
i'm leaving you
like i already did before
ain't no way you gonna give it to me once more
cuz jess gotta see right through
tasting winter's sweetest taste
and no, it's not you
don't be a fool, big
i'd never ever leave him for you
cuz he ain't makin me blue like you do
cuz he ain't makin me blue like you do
Dienstag, 19. November 2013
|pic/quote by kushandwizdom.tumblr.com|
there is nothing in this world for your partner to do to take away the pain, the regret, the traumata you went through and that's ok because there are two sides that need to be considered - on one hand it tought you a life lesson, to see with your heart and mind and not go through life with your eyes closed to whats real, to whats right in front of you - but on the other hand it turned down everything beautiful about something so wonderful, so precious. it's unfair at the same time, as you gave away this gift to someone who wasn't worthy at all and now that this person broke you into pieces you talk down this gift like it's your doom. you'd rather cut off your left arm than giving away this gift once more to the right person, just because the wrong person didn't appreciate it - what did they have to contribute what your partner can't? are you that scared or are you just plain blind?
no matter what happened, we all have our own burden to carry with us - if you can't see your partners value , how lucky you should be and that you should never let go of this once in a lifetime chance, no rather you wait for something better to come or have your rescueplan in your pocket in case it fails - then you are indeed blind... blind hearted. take off that blindfold so you can truly love.
Mittwoch, 13. November 2013
she worries because she cares, she argues because she wants so solve problems, she is patient because she loves you, she keeps you in line because she stands her ground, she isn't easy because she is amazing in her own special way.
every woman has her little more or less nice habits or behavior patterns - she is like marble, she gets formed and graved by people and experiences she gained. gaining isn't always on the bright side but what counts is the result - what it made out of you by now - who you'll be by tomorrow is something no one can tell you for sure. we can either face the future with a cheeky smile, knowing we'll never turn down ourselves in order to comprimise for reckless people who don't give two shits about us and we can stay willing to be at our best and embrace happiness in it's smallest forms or we can face the future with that emo look and doubt every single nice thing that comes along our way. what would you choose? would you choose to worry, to doubt, to face every opportunity with a knife behind your back?
i have a lot of weaknesses, as all of you, others might see me as dominant maybe too dominant, too much for a man to handle with his little patience and big ego, but in fact by now i really enjoy fitting into the female role - kicking it back with my ego and let him take the lead in certain areas. allowing a man to actually be a man in a relationship is also challenging him, it's not easy just because you have a dick between your legs. it required trust for me to let myself hang a little loose and let him take over "control" - maybe it's also because he can because the way he does what he does, it comes naturally. he himself has a big ego and i def see him as a leader in many ways - i admire him because he made me admire him without trying hard, he got my respect and i guess that's one of the main reasons why i let him take the lead and be the man at home - in our relationship. would you hand over the keys to your lambo to someone who doesn't seem reliable, who seems less smart than you, who is brandmarked by the word FAIL? surely not. i probably sound weird but it's not like i'm glorifying "i'm the man you are a woman, i'm the boss.basta" no not at all!!!
but i don't see women like they like to be seen - as tough bosses who "don't need a man" yada yada yada don't fucking fool yourself, it's hilarious and smells like desperation covert in that new mainstream ish called emancipation. those are the ones who whine inside about him not calling back but who are too proud to admit that they miss a dick in their vajayjays and that they'd love to have a great boyfriend they could introduce to their parents. it's good to stand on your own feet and stuff but we all love and yes need a strong shoulder to rely on, to cry on, to love etc - more women should try to embrace their female side, we have other strong sides why do we try to act like strong men, spitting, "doing it like a dude" - it's one thing to be yourself and another thing to try hard to look "tough" & "bad bitchy" - not attractive girl - i am confident or lets say i got more confident and by now i need a man who can keep up with me, who isn't afraid to speak up when i'm wrong, who wants to take the lead because at the end he is THE alpha wolf, a man who grabs and devours me and eats my vajayjay until i start to shake and want to tear the sheets apart - i don't need to mention fairness, respect and comprimising because those things are a must anyways with me.
i moved in with my boyfriend and his lovely sis a month ago - ok well i started to sleep there every night a month ago but by now we officially said that we three live together, i got my own key, i contribute in the household by cleaning, cooking, washing etc and i'll pay my part of the rent as soon as i get rid of my old apartment which i'm still paying for. oh did i mention how much i love my role as housewife, i really really love to do that, of course we all rotate our work at home. well, he gives me a lot and he has proven to me that i can rely on him, he proved to me that he fits in the role of my alpha wolf because he can handle me, because he invests himself into our relationship, he can stimulate me and doesn't run away when i start to show not so nicey nicey sides - thats why i didn't hesitate to hand over my "keys". he knows that his efforts are worth it - just like they say "if she's easy she won't be amazing" - we still have a lot of work on our way, like every couple, but he knew within the first days that i'm not a chick to say "yes and amen" to every shit you serve me, i can hold a debate with you and i require it because being my man means to be willing to work with me in a team, no ego players allowed.
those keys were handed over to me but in fact i handed over the keys to my heart & life in return - inviting you to be a part of it.
ich liebe dich
Dienstag, 5. November 2013
above you see me and my man - see that look in his eyes? i probably said something really weird before taking this pic lol wouldn't surprise me haha this picture was taken last friday at a local party.
as weird as i am i immediately came up with funny convos which fit his look perfectly muhahahaha
a couple should motivate eachother to be their best version, to push themselves to be as good as they wish their partner was. it's not always a give and take but who minds giving when it comes from the heart, who minds waiting with patience when all you see and feel is growing love in your heart. i'm not perfect, oh you know i'm far from that, but he is indeed the only man since years who motivates me to be at my best. i talk uncensored, sometimes too witty, yes stubborn and i'm easily hurt sometimes, but for him - for us - i give my best to overcome any obstacles and look beyond my own horizon. i like how he makes me feel so feminine, yes even weak, next to him - but in a good way. he is a man i can rely on, a man who will protect his woman no matter what, a man who proudly holds your hand while walking through the city, a man who is strong enough to show weakness in front of you, a man who knows when to call you beautiful and when to call you sexy, a man who will provide me and our kids with security, love and wisdom one day - he is the man i'd be proud of to call him my husband and have a son who is just like him.
i have so much more to learn in life and i am glad to be blessed to have a man like him who'll learn with me. he teaches me step by step to trust again, to put down my own paranoia - not just by talking, he does so by actually proving. with him i have the feeling of finally getting to the point where i can say "he is all what i deserve" but at the same time i question myself "doesn't he deserve someone better than me?" - here comes the insecurity of failing, being replaced with someone smarter, prettier, thinner - better. trust builds up over time but it easily breaks at the slightest sight of unreliability - what can you do to not let that happen? communicate from the heart with patience, understanding and tenderness. i know i'm not easy but that's the reason why i'm amazing in many ways, why i give you things others can't - you never know what a woman went through before you walked into her life, so be gentle and get to know her fully and be able to apologize when you hit critical points in her heart - she opens up to you, because she lets you - never give her a reason to regret that because opening up a cracked heart is painful and requires a lot of trust and time - it closes at the slightest sight of impatience. to trust is equal to love - without trust you won't go anywhere. when you got her trust, you'll feel so rewarded because having your partners trust is one of the best feelings you can have because you know you two became a team which has a strong bond that will carry and lead you through good and bad times - without you fearing you might lose eachother on the way to happiness.
ps: i trust you